The AntiLuke
by moonmama
Summary: Lorelai married Christopher because he was the AntiLuke. Will she leave him for the same reason? And what is Luke doing in an Eligible Bachelor auction? Inherently JavaJunkie. Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

The Anti Luke

Summary: Lorelai married Christopher because he was the anti-Luke. Will she leave him for the same reason? And why is Luke being auctioned off at an eligible bachelor fundraiser? Inherehtly JavaJunkie.

A/N – Go back and watch episode 2.14, "It Should've Been Lorelai." I really think this gives us tons of insight into Lorelai's relationship mindset, and Christopher's role in her life. Lorelai admits that she has sabotaged all her other relationships waiting for Chris to get his act together. I believe that she needs to get him out of her system before she can move on. Honestly, I thought I dealt with this issue better in my first fanfic, the post-S4 _Things Left Unsaid, _where she got over & done with him before getting seriously involved with Luke…but now the show's writers have brought us here – with L&L broken up and Lorelai married to Chris. sigh

I do not personally believe that Christopher is evil. He means well, and he truly loves Lorelai. He is, however, an immature screwup, and what does a screwup do once he's inherited an obscene amount of money and finally gotten the woman of his dreams to marry him? He screws it up, of course!

A bit of an inconsistency with the show is that I'm not dealing with the whole Luke/Anna custody battle. I came up with the concept for the story before that storyline started and I can't be bothered to work it in now.

On with the story…

* * *

Lorelai opened her eyes to a sunny morning. She rolled over expectantly, only to find Chris' side of the bed empty. She sighed, got up, put on a robe and found her way downstairs to the kitchen, where she spotted a note on the table:

_Lor,_

_Didn't want to wake you. Emergency at work, going in early and probably working late. Call if you need anything._

_-C_

"Third time this week," Lorelai muttered to herself as she measured the coffee into the coffee maker. "If only the President worked so hard he'd have solved that whole Iraq thing ages ago."

Lorelai got dressed and walked downtown, heading to Weston's for some breakfast. Stars Hollow was preparing for its annual Valentines Day festivities. The gazebo was decked out with pink streamers, there were booths set up in the town square with teddy bears and chocolates everywhere.

Lorelai spied Kirk setting up a booth. He was struggling to hang an overly large, crudely hand-painted paper banner on it.

"Need a hand, Kirk?" she asked as she grabbed an end and held it up while Kirk taped the other end. Now she could read it:

_Kirk's Kissing Korner_.

"Got a new hobby, Kirk?" Lorelai asked jovially.

"I'm selling kisses at the town Valentine's festival," Kirk informed her. "Lulu thinks these lips are a hot item."

"And she doesn't object to you kissing other girls?"

"She wants us to go on a romantic getaway to Omaha. I thought this would be a good way to earn some extra money," Kirk informed Lorelai.

Kirk finished his end of the banner and came around to tape up the other side. Unfortunately the banner was too big, so that the word "Korner" displayed entirely on the side of the booth.

"Your sign looks a little big, Kirk," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, I was trying to think of a way to shorten it, but the only thing I could think of was to abbreviate it to 'The KKK' and Lulu didn't think it was descriptive enough."

"Kirk, if you called it 'The KKK' you'd have bigger problems than that on your hands."

Kirk finished taping the sign up. Lorelai noticed a container full of what looked like rubber blobs. "Kirk, what are those?" she inquired.

"Latex lip protectors," he replied.

"Excuse me?"

"For sanitary purposes. I could be exposing myself to the saliva of up to 2000 girls. I'm certainly not going to risk catching the bird flu, or cold sores, or meningitis from some floozy who's willing to pay $5 for a Kirk-kiss," Kirk explained.

"2000 girls at $5 a kiss, huh? Good luck with that, Kirk."

Lorelai bid Kirk goodbye and proceeded on to Weston's. As she walked, she retrieved her cell phone from her pocketbook and turned it on. It informed her that she had voice mail. She dialed to retrieve her messages.

"Ms. Gilmore, this is Sara from the Yale Financial Office. I need to talk to you about your daughter's tuition for the spring semester. Please give me a call back at your earliest convenience."

Lorelai deleted the message and listened to the next one.

"Lorelai ," started Michel's French accented voice, "I need to talk to you about the Memorial Day weekend reservations…"

Lorelai hung up from voice mail and dialed a number on her phone. She listened to it ring repeatedly, until Christopher's voice mail picked up.

"Chris, it's me. I just had a message from Yale, I think you forgot to send in Rory's tuition check again. Please give them a call." Lorelai hung up the phone as she entered Weston's.

She ordered her food and sat down just as her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and then answered.

"Hey, what was the name of that book you were telling me about?" she demanded of Rory on the other end of the phone.

"What book?" Rory replied.

"Don't you remember? You were telling me all about this book…" Lorelai rambled vaguely. "Written by that guy…" she trailed off.

"Oh! The book by the guy! I remember now!" Rory replied sarcastically.

"The guy. The speech. The one guy mentioned the other guy's book in his speech," Lorelai supplied.

"You mean Hugo Chavez talking about Noam Chomsky?" Rory asked.

"That's the one. What was the name of the book?"

"_Hegemony or Survival_ Are you actually going to read it?"

"Nah, I've got too many _Green Acres_ DVD's to watch. I just thought it might be a good birthday present for Grandpa," Lorelai replied. "Anyway, what's up?"

"What time is the Sweetheart Buffet on Saturday?"

"11:00. Don't you dare miss it, we haven't missed one of these since the year you were 9 and had the flu."

"And miss seeing who Miss Patty's bringing this year? Not for all the vindaloo in England," Rory commented. "Plus I love fighting with Taylor to give us the couples discount."

Lorelai giggled. "Too bad we can't do it this year, I've already got a date. This marriage thing is really kinda cool, I've got a built-in date for everything."

"And I get ditched at your first opportunity. Hmm, think Taylor would be up for a threesome?" Rory joked.

Lorelai shuddered. "I really did _not_ need that visual."

"Hey, with Dad there this year, are we going to have to watch what we eat now?" Rory pouted.

"Oh, God you're right, I bet Chris cuts us off after 7 donuts. Hey! I won't be allowed to go to the Bachelor Auction either this year. Man, marriage is just no fun," Lorelai whined.

"Bye Mom."

"Bye hon."

* * *

LUKE'S DINER

"Seventeen," Taylor said in frustration. "How can there be only 17 eligible bachelors in Stars Hollow? Last year we had 28. Where did they all go?"

Miss Patty was sitting at the table with Taylor, planning the Eligible Bachelor Auction with him. "Well I think a few of them got married," she said.

"Three. Three of them got married, what happened to the rest? And why aren't we getting any new blood?"

"Taylor, you're forgetting about Ron Wilcox," Patty reminded him. "He was perfectly willing to do it again this year."

"Sara Hebert swears she got an STD from him last year. That is bad for publicity, I refuse to permit it."

The door to the diner opened and April walked in. She searched for Luke, who was back working in the storeroom, so she sat down at a stool at the counter to wait for him.

"Well if we just make sure he wears his raincoat this time…" Patty suggested.

"No, no, I will not have it. The insurance would be astronomical, anyway," Taylor replied. "What happened to Chris Brennan?"

"I believe he joined the Peace Corps in Botswana," Patty said.

Taylor rolled his eyes. "These people just have no sense of civic responsibility any more," he complained. "This event is a major fundraiser for the town each year, but noooo, he has to go join the Peace Corps."

April turned to listen to their conversation.

"What about Tyler Berenson?" Miss Patty inquired.

Again, Taylor rolled his eyes. "Tyler Berenson felt the need to 'come out of the closet' as they say these days, to the entire _family-oriented_ community of Stars Hollow. Personally I find it in very bad taste how these young men feel the need to share every aspect of their deviant lives with the entire world."

Miss Patty's eyes brightened. "Oh, but Taylor, don't you see? Keep him in the auction and you've just doubled your audience pool. Now you'll have men bidding on the bachelors along with the women."

"I will _not_ have Stars Hollow turning into Fire Island," Taylor insisted.

April got up and walked over to their table. "What about my dad?" she interjected.

"Excuse me dear?" Miss Patty said.

"My dad. For the bachelor auction."

Taylor and Miss Patty dissolved into peals of hysterical laughter.

"What?" asked April, confused at this reaction.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear," apologized Miss Patty. "Just the idea of Luke Danes, voluntarily participating in any town function, let alone being auctioned off as an eligible bachelor…" She began to giggle again, and several of the diner customers joined her this time.

"But he's a bachelor. He's eligible," April insisted. "Very eligible. Way too single, if you ask me."

"Oh honey, you're welcome to ask him, just don't get your hopes up," Miss Patty consoled her.

"Thanks!" April said, a gleam in her eye as she sat back down at the counter.

Luke finally returned from the storeroom and spotted April at the counter.

"Hey," he said in greeting as he leaned over to give her a hug. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. Did you know that this town of yours is a bit goofy?"

Luke snorted in agreement.

"I thought my school was going crazy with Valentine's Day stuff, but it's nothing compared to all this." She indicated the preparations going on outside in the town square. "Are you doing any of it?"

"Nah, I always thought this was kind of a stupid, trumped-up holiday," Luke replied.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, but sometimes it's easy to get caught up in it. My school is having this dance and it's getting kinda crazy, everyone talking about who's going with who."

A look of concern crossed Luke's face. "But you're not going with anyone, right?"

"Well, Justin Silva asked me, but I haven't given him an answer yet. Hey, I just heard them talking about this Eligible Bachelor auction, you're not in it?"

Luke snorted again. "Me? No thanks, I have no desire to be ogled by a bunch of rabid women."

"From what I'm hearing, it'll be rabid men, too."

"Not really my scene, April."

"But it's for charity…" she prompted him. "You could get up there and really strut your stuff. You might even meet someone nice."

"I don't strut. Now tell me about this Justin guy."

"Oh, he's just a guy in my Algebra class."

"Do you like him?" Luke asked.

"He's OK."

"Does your mother know about this?"

"Oh sure, she's one of the organizers of the dance"

"I dunno, April, I'm not sure it's such a good idea for you to be going on a date…"

"Dad, I'll make a deal with you. If you say yes to the auction, I'll say no to Justin," April offered.

"April…" Luke growled.

"Those are my terms," she stated with an air of finality.

Luke rolled his eyes and sighed. "OK, OK," he agreed grudgingly.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know this is a little slow getting started, but I promise I'm setting things up for some pretty good fireworks!

* * *

Lorelai was still in her pajamas as she entered the kitchen in the morning. Christopher was sitting at the table sipping coffee as he read the newspaper. 

Lorelai's eyes widened and she gasped at the sight of him. "Who is this strange man in my kitchen?" she demanded. She ran over to Rory's bedroom door and knocked. "Rory, bring out the ox whip, we have an intruder in the kitchen!"

"Morning Dad," Rory replied from inside her room, not missing a beat.

"Morning Rory," Christopher said as Lorelai leaned over to give him a kiss.

"So does this mean that you're actually taking a day off work?" Lorelai inquired. "Won't the building burn down or the entire Malawian economy come to a screeching halt if you're not there for an entire day?"

"Malawian money is overrated anyway. How could I miss spending Valentine's Day with my favorite women?"

Lorelai leaned over for another kiss. "Well, hon, if you want me looking pretty so you can be the envy of all the other men in town, you're gonna have to clear all your crap out of the bathroom. I need to take a shower and there's way too much testosterone in there for my taste. I need to shave my legs and I'm seriously afraid of what could happen."

"The bathroom too, now huh? I really need a room of my own to put all my stuff in. I'm telling you, Virginia Woolfe had it all backwards. You know, we should look into putting an addition on the house."

"Hey, this summer, maybe you could build yourself a nice Man-Shed out back," Lorelai suggested.

"You already have a garage," Christopher reminded her.

"Yeah, but that's my sewing room."

Christopher sighed. "I see where I rank around here." He stood up and went to clear out the bathroom as Lorelai helped herself to a cup of coffee.

* * *

Lorelai, Christopher and Rory stood outside Weston's, waiting in line to buy tickets to the Valentine's Day brunch. 

"I can't wait to see Miss Patty's flavor of the month," Rory said, anxiously glancing around looking for her.

"She promised us a real dish," Lorelai said. "Hey, when do you have to head out to meet Logan?"

"Oh, not till 5:00. He's picking me up at the apartment at 6."

They reached the front of the line just as Christopher's cell phone rang. Chris answered it and ducked out of line to talk.

"Three tickets, please," Lorelai said to Taylor.

"Not trying to weasel the couple's discount for you & Rory this year?" Taylor said suspiciously.

"Everything's on the up & up, Taylor, I'm a married woman," Lorelai reminded him as she handed him the money. They moved past the ticketing table and waited for Christopher to get off the phone.

"Oh, my God," Rory gasped, looking over Lorelai's shoulder.

"What?" Lorelai asked, looking in the same direction, from which Miss Patty was coming with her date. Or, rather, dates, since she was flanked by two men, one on either side of her. Both were conspicuously younger than her.

"'Dish' doesn't even begin to describe it," Rory commented.

Lorelai gasped in horror. "If they're even half her age, then I'm Roger Ebert's illegitimate love-child."

"Do you think she's really….you know…with them…?" Rory asked.

"Don't even go there," Lorelai replied. "Although I should be so lucky when I'm her age."

Christopher returned from his phone call, looking agitated. "Hey, I'm sorry, Lor, but I really have to head in to work for a little while."

"What?" Lorelai asked. "Chris, you promised you were going to spend Valentine's Day with us."

"I know, but we've got a real emergency going on. I'm sorry. I promise I'll be back in time to take you out to a nice, fancy, obscenely expensive dinner."

"Well, OK, but it better be really offensively decadent, then," Lorelai said as she kissed him goodbye.

Lorelai and Rory watched him leave.

"Hmmh," Lorelai reflected. She sighed, then turned to Rory. "Well, I guess we're back to the mother-daughter Valentine date tradition." They linked arms and walked into Weston's.

"Aah," Rory complained upon seeing the crowd that greeted them inside. "Crowded."

"Your dad is throwing off our rhythm," Lorelai complained. "If we hadn't waited for him, we would've gotten here before all the tables filled up."

Lorelai and Rory helped themselves to plates of food, then went in search of a place to sit. The tables were all taken.

"OK, it's time to hover," Lorelai instructed Rory. "And this looks like a mean crowd, so we're going to have to pull out all the stops. I'm thinking that I'll do the 'sick-and-sneezing-all-over-everyone' routine and you can do the 'too-much-to-hold-dropping-books-and-food-all-over-the-floor' routine."

It worked. Rory's clumsy routine wasn't entirely effective, but Lorelai sniffed and sneezed her way into a nice big table by the window. They sat down and started working on the mound of donuts, pancakes, bagels, eggs, blintzes, French toast, sausage, and other brunch delights that they had heaped on their plates.

"So I'm thinking about trying out for _Survivor_," Lorelai interjected, her mouth full of waffle & whipped cream.

Rory almost spit out the coffee she was sipping. "Oh, yeah, right, because when I think 'unwashed adventure traveller,' you're the first person who comes to mind," she said sarcastically.

"You don't think I'd be perfect?"

"Mom, you've never even been camping."

"But that's what makes it so perfect. Nobody could resist tuning in to see the pretty brunette in the little skirt using her womanly wiles on the other men."

"Mom, have you ever even seen an episode of _Survivor_? No hairdryers allowed, and that cute little skirt is probably a bad idea too. Oh, and no coffee either," Rory informed her.

"No coffee? Savages! OK, scratch that idea, but you have to help me come up with some sort of vacation getaway. This thing with your dad is totally throwing me off."

"What thing?" Rory asked.

"Being married. Now don't get me wrong, I love Christopher, it's just taking some getting used to, having him around _all the time_."

"Didn't you say he's been working practically 24/7 lately? How much of an adjustment is this for you?"

Lorelai did not answer. She was suddenly watching something at the other end of the restaurant.

"Luke," she said suddenly.

"What?" Rory asked.

Lorelai motioned to where Luke and April were helping themselves to the buffet. Rory turned around to see, just as April spotted them and made her way over to their table.

"So how do you score a table in this place?" she asked them.

"Scare 'em off with snot," Lorelai joked as Luke came over to join his daughter. "I can't believe you're here, patronizing the competition," she said to him.

"Yeah, well, there's no point in opening the diner today, everyone's here, and April wanted to check everything out, you know…" Luke trailed off, looking lost. "Nowhere to sit," he said vaguely.

Lorelai looked uncomfortable for a moment, then smiled up at him. "Hey, why don't you join us? We've got some extra seats," she said in an overly friendly tone.

Now it was Luke's turn to look uncomfortable. "Oh, I didn't mean…aren't you saving that seat for…"

"Just the Gilmore girls today," Lorelai said, cutting him off before Chris' name could come up.

"Oh…uh…OK," Luke said as he and April sat down, April next to Lorelai, and Luke next to Rory. They sat in uncomfortable silence as everyone ate their food.

April was the first one to break the silence. "Oh, my God, this French toast is amazing," she commented.

"You really think so?" Rory asked. "I mean, it's good, but I always thought that Luke made the best French toast in town."

April snorted. "Well, I wouldn't know about that. I'm not allowed to eat the diner food."

"WHAT???" Rory and Lorelai exclaimed in unison.

"Do you have any idea how much fat and grease and sugar and crap goes into that food?" Luke asked. "I don't want her getting used to eating that junk, she'll balloon out like a pregnant elephant."

"…he says to the woman who practically raised her daughter on Luke's food," Lorelai commented wryly.

"Yeah, well, the two of you are anomalies. I don't know why you don't both weigh 500 pounds. I swear, you're scientific marvels, you really should donate your bodies to science."

"Luke, let the poor girl have some real food once in a while," Lorelai said.

"Oh my God, April, you've got to try his chocolate chip pancakes," Rory implored her.

"And his BLT - " interjected Lorelai.

"The cherry pie is to die for - " Rory reminded them.

"His burgers are the best - " Lorelai added.

"And the coffee," Rory concluded.

"And the coffee," Lorelai agreed. "Here, April, have some of my Belgian waffle," she said, pushing the food onto April's plate. "Hey, why do you think they're called Belgian waffles, anyway? What's Belgian about them? You never hear anything about Russian waffles, or Italian waffles, or Chinese waffles."

"Lithuanian waffles?" April interjected.

"Those poor Belgians," Rory said. "They're right next to France with their crepes and their Eiffel tower and their Louvre. The Belgians really have very little in their lives."

"They should've named the inferiority complex after them instead," commented Luke.

"We should let them have their waffles," concluded Rory.

Luke changed the subject. "So how's everything at the Dragonfly?" he asked Lorelai.

"Oh, pretty much the same, people come and pay us obscene amounts of money for the privilege of being allowed to dirty our sheets and bathrooms and to be ridiculed by Michel. I must be getting sucked into it all because I just gave him a raise, despite the fact that he _still_ hasn't gotten the contractor in to fix the porch rail."

"You haven't gotten that fixed yet?" Luke asked, incredulously. "That broke, what, last March?"

"April 22nd. The Birnbaums from Albany in room 5. Birdwatching accident," Lorelai said enigmatically. "The contractor keeps getting pulled onto bigger jobs. He swears I'm prettier than any of his other clients, but it's still not getting me anywhere with him."

"I'll come by on Tuesday," Luke said.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"Tuesday morning. I'll take care of it for you."

"Oh, Luke, thank you but I really couldn't."

"It's an insurance risk. Someone could fall and sue the pants off of you. I'll be by at 8:30. Oh, and make sure Michel isn't around, I'll be using the nail gun and things could get ugly."

"No…Luke…really…" Lorelai implored him.

"And if you don't shut up about this, I'll paint the whole thing orange when I'm done."

"Will you at least let me pay you for it?"

"Fine. I charge $500 per hour for labor and there's a 300 markup on all materials. Plus a tools rental fee."

"Or you could just bring some coffee with you and I'll pay you for that," Lorelai suggested.

"Deal."

Once again, Luke shifted topics. "So Rory, how's everything at school? Closing in on graduation, aren't you?"

"I have no idea, I'm choosing to live in denial," Rory replied. "Though I guess I could always move back in with you, Mom, and be your cleaning lady."

"There's a full-time job," Luke snorted.

"Oh, but I refuse to clean that unbelievable mess in the downstairs bathroom. What the heck happened in there, anyway?"

Lorelai giggled. "Had a little problem with some wax."

"What?" April asked.

"Well, you know how I've never been quite happy with how my hairdresser does my eyebrows? Well, I was watching _Freaky Friday_ the other day and I was really admiring how Lindsay Lohan's eyebrows were done so I decided to try it on my own and I went and bought one of those home waxing kits."

"OK, I think I see where this is going..." said April.

"Oh, you have no idea," commented Rory.

"Well, I heated up the wax in the microwave and I brought it into the bathroom and put it next to the sink. Now, our bathroom sink is pretty wide. Doesn't have a lot of actual counter space. Luke, you remember the infamous sink, right?"

"You mean the one that you decided you _had_ to have, even though it cost about three times the amount we had in the budget?" Luke asked.

"Yeah – the one I ordered off the Internet and found some place in Italy that was selling it at an incredible discount, only they had to ship it over here by ground and it didn't arrive in time..."

"So we installed this ridiculous temporary plastic slop sink while we waited for it to show up," Luke continued the story.

"And when it finally came, the plumber broke his finger when he was trying to lift it into place and he dropped it, and then he told us that it was broken and we thought we were going to have to ship it back to Italy and wait another 2 months for a replacement," Lorelai was giggling by this point. "I'll never forget your face when you were yelling at the plumber. I swear your head looked like it was about to split open."

Luke was laughing too. "Tom had to find another plumber, who installed it without any problems I might add, and Tom ended up having to pay the first plumber out of his own pocket, including his medical bills. I swear he had it out for you after that, I kept expecting the tub to fall through the floor, or the windows to shatter and hit us with shrapnel."

"I'm still not sure the color they painted the hallway is the same one we picked out," Lorelai laughed.

"So what happened with the wax?" April asked.

"Well," Lorelai continued, "the wax kit comes with these tongue depressor things for putting the wax on your face, and I just couldn't figure out how to do my eyebrows with them, they seemed too big, so I decided I needed something with a smaller point. I went searching around the kitchen and I found the Chinese food I ordered the other night..."

"Ah, chopsticks," Rory supplied.

"Exactly," Lorelai confirmed. "Except that they were still stuck in the container of Lo Mein, and it looked really tasty, so I grabbed the whole thing and brought it into the bathroom..."

"I'm starting to get the picture," April commented. All four of them were laughing audibly by now.

"_Unbelievable_ mess in there. I think Christopher tried every solvent in existence trying to clean it up," Lorelai laughed.

The mention of Christopher's name brought everyone back to reality. Luke's smile faded. Lorelai stopped laughing, and they continued their meal in silence.

* * *

A/N: I really think this season of the show is suffering due to the lack of Luke/Lorelai banter, so I'm trying to highlight that here by creating a "normal" moment between them, and then pull the rug out from under it with a sudden reminder of why things are not "normal" between them. I hope that's coming across effectively. 

Thanks for the reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

It was 7:00 in the evening and Lorelai was home alone.

Rory had gone back to Yale to meet Logan for their Valentine's Day dinner. She had made several attempts to contact Christopher to find out what he was planning for the evening, but got his voice mail every time.

She decided to get ready to go out, and then try him again. She showered, picked out her favorite little black dress, did her hair and makeup, and tried him again.

Once again, she was greeted by voice mail. "This is Christopher, I'm not here, please leave a message," it taunted her.

"Christopher, it's 8:00, where the hell are you?" she complained into the phone, and then hung up.

She sighed. "Apparently I'm being stood up, I should be wearing a prom dress," she muttered to herself as she dialed another number on the phone.

"Hello?" Sookie answered on the other end.

"Sookie, what are you guys doing tonight?" Lorelai demanded.

"Well, it's Valentine's Day, we have two young children and we hardly ever get out, so naturally we're staying home and doing nothing," Sookie answered.

"Let's go to the auction," Lorelai suggested.

"What?"

"The bachelor auction. We used to go all the time, let's go!"

"Lorelai, we used to go when we were single. We're both married now. Where's Christopher, anyway? I thought you guys were going out."

"Christopher is MIA and persona non grata in the Gilmore household at the moment. Come on, we never used to actually bid on any of the bachelors anyway," Lorelai reminded her.

"It _was_ kinda fun watching them shake their little tushies at the audience," Sookie remembered, giggling.

"Let's go."

"Jackson won't like it," Sookie said.

"Hey, you went through 18 months of pregnancy and 47 hours of labor for those two kids you carried for him. He owes you. Tell him to consider it a down payment."

* * *

By the time they got there, the auction had already started, so they snuck in and sat down in the back row.

Miss Patty was introducing the latest bachelor "…invites the highest bidder to join him for a night out without compare. Steve will pick you up in his Jaguar and take you into New York City for a night on the town, including dinner at the finest restaurant of your choice, a cruise in the harbor, and dancing late into the night. Let's start the bidding, do I hear $500?"

"$500!" shrieked a woman in the second row.

"You have got to be kidding me," commented Lorelai. "That guy has 'midlife crisis' written all over him, with the Jaguar, the hair plugs and he could stand to spend a little more time with his ab machine."

"So what's going on with Christopher?" Sookie asked Lorelai.

"Oh nothing," Lorelai replied in frustration.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing whatsoever. We're definitely doing nothing tonight. We did nothing last night when he worked until 11:00. Nothing happened last weekend when he was working at 7AM. And there's definitely nothing happening whenever I try to call him to talk. Nothing whatsoever going on here."

Miss Patty's voice was in the background, introducing the next bachelor, "…for the mature ladies in the audience, we present Malcom Wesson, who is offering his date a day of sailing…"

Lorelai's cell phone chose that moment to ring. She grabbed it hurriedly to answer, as several audience members shot dirty looks in her direction.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Lor, where the hell are you?" Christopher said on the other end.

"Chris, I think you have a feedback loop on your phone."

"What?"

"That phrase 'where the hell are you' is the exact same phrase I uttered on your voice mail at least 5 times today."

"Lor, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to you."

"…another phrase I've left on your voice mail several times already," she stated in an angry tone.

"Where are you?"

"The High School."

"What are you doing at the High School?"

"It's a town thing. Chris, I already waited for you today, now it's your turn. I'll see you when I get home." She hung up the phone angrily.

Miss Patty was introducing the next bachelor.

"For our next tasty delight, we have John Beauxchamps. John is a software programmer who enjoys nature photography and fine vegetarian dining."

Sookie snorted. "'Fine vegetarian dining' is an oxymoron."

Sookie and Lorelai watched John saunter onto the stage, dressed in jeans, a sweater and a pair of work boots.

"Oh, but he's got that whole 'rugged individualist' thing going for him," Lorelai commented. "I'm loving the 5:00 shadow on him."

Miss Patty continued, "John is offering, to the highest bidder, a day spent communing with nature. His lucky date will be treated to a day of cross-country skiing through pristine woodlands. If you're a beginning skier, John offers a personal one-on-one lesson. The day will be topped off finally with hot chocolate in front of the fire at his favorite Connecticut resort."

"A little earthy for my taste, but that body almost makes up for it," said Lorelai.

"A nice juicy steak would do him a world of good," commented Sookie.

They watched as John took a turn around the stage. As he came nearer the audience, Lorelai suddenly gasped.

"Oh, my God."

"What?" Sookie asked.

"I'm officially a dirty old woman. That guy was Rory's Biology lab partner in 9th grade. I am _literally_ old enough to be his mother."

Sookie was giggling.

"Ugghhh. I think I need a shower. This is worse than looking at those nudie pics of that _Harry Potter_ kid."

"Oh, I always thought he was so cute," Sookie said.

"Don't even go there."

John was sold to the highest bidder and Miss Patty continued on with the next bachelor.

"We're very pleased to be able to bring you our next bachelor for the first time in his many years living in Stars Hollow. This man is a successful small businessman, well known to many of us for serving the best coffee in town. Ladies, I give you….Luke Danes!"

Lorelai's face froze as she watched Luke strolling somewhat reluctantly onto the stage, hands in his pockets.

"Well that's something I never expected to see," Sookie commented. She turned to look at Lorelai. "Are you OK?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Did you know about this?" she stated, a little too quickly.

"How would I know about it?"

Miss Patty continued her narrative. "To the highest bidder, Luke promises a romantic evening out, starting with dinner at The Village Green in Hartford, followed by the movie of your choice."

Lorelai watched as the ladies started bidding eagerly on a date with Luke.

"Why is he doing this? He must've lost a bet or something," Lorelai insisted, her voice increasingly agitated. "Dinner and a movie. How original," she mocked. "And the Village Green? He hates that place, their steak is always burnt and their pasta is always soggy. Their service is fast, though, that's probably why he picked it. Get them in & out as fast as possible. There's no way he's doing this voluntarily."

Lorelai watched a few more moments, then leaned over to Sookie. "I need to use the bathroom," she said as she stood up to leave.

"Oh, hon, are you OK?" Sookie asked.

"I'm fine," Lorelai insisted. "I swear, every time a girl goes to use the bathroom while her ex-fiance is being auctioned off, everyone always assumes there's some deeper meaning," she joked defensively.

Lorelai walked to the rear of the auditorium, tears blurring her vision, only to be greeted by Christopher, who was waiting for her in the doorway.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded.

Lorelai swallowed hard and did her best, unsuccessfully, to hide her tears. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Trying to find my wife on Valentine's Day," he replied angrily.

"Christopher, I was ready, willing, and waiting to spend the evening with you, but I finally decided I had better things to do than see how many times I can push the redial button on my phone before it wears out."

"Better things like ogling your ex at this bizarre mating ritual?"

"Don't read anything into this, Chris, I had no idea he was going to be here."

"You should've seen your face when he walked onstage. You should see your face now," Christopher said.

"OK, so, I'm upset," Lorelai said. "My husband stood me up for Valentine's Day."

"I don't believe you, Lorelai. That's not why you're upset. God, I'm such an idiot, I should've seen it sooner. _This_ is why you didn't want to move, didn't want to exchange vows, didn't want to have a baby. I know you, Lor. I know you're not done with him."

"Chris, come on, that had nothing to do with him."

They stood in silence for a moment, regarding each other.

"Well? Let's hear the list of excuses," Christopher said.

"Christopher, I didn't want to have a baby with you because I didn't want to be a single mother again."

"What?"

"Chris, you are _constantly_ at work. I've never been married before, but I'm pretty sure that married people are supposed to recognize things like when the furniture is rearranged in the house, or notice when their spouse has the stomach flu and spends two days throwing up."

Christopher looked down at the floor. "Lor…"

"If I'm going to get pregnant again, I want to know I can count on you to actually be there this time. I'm not going it alone again."

"Oh, Lor, you know I would be -" Christopher assured her.

"How do I know that? You're never home. You never answer your phone. I can't count on you to take care of the simplest tasks, let alone the important ones. I might as well be married to Michel, I certainly spend more time with him."

"Lorelai –" Christopher began.

"Chris, have you paid Rory's tuition bill yet?"

Christopher sighed.

"Yale has called me more times than Nancy Pelosi can blink. Rory's going to get put on probation if they don't get a check by Wednesday."

"Lorelai…" he began again, his voice softer. "It's not because I forgot, if that's what you're thinking."

"Then what is it, Chris? You've got the money. If you didn't forget, then what's the excuse? Vulcan mind meld? Captured by pirates? Dog ate the check?"

"I don't have the money," Christopher said simply.

"What?"

They stood there in silence for another moment, contemplating what he had just said.

"I made some bad investments. I was hoping I could turn things around before you found out."

"You lost _all_ your money?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Well, not all of it. A lot of it, maybe, but there's still a good portion that's tied up in investments. I'll be fine, I just don't have any cash flow right now."

Another pause.

"It's why I've been gone so much. Lor, it was all for you, I swear. You and Rory. I didn't want you to have to struggle like you did raising Rory. I wanted to give you guys everything."

"Chris, I never wanted everything. All I wanted was a husband to share my life with, who would share his with me."

At this, Christopher lost his temper again. "Share your life? Lor, what have you shared with me? Your house? Your town? You've made it abundantly clear that I don't fit in here. I'm tolerated as a guest in your house, not a husband. Lorelai, you're right, maybe you don't want everything. You just want _your_ stuff in _your_ space. There's no room in your life for anyone else."

"Chris…"

"Well, except for your diner guy, that is. Him, there's just no getting rid of."

"Christopher, no…"

"Save it, Lorelai," Christopher said as he strode away angrily.

Lorelai turned to go, and as she ran down the hallway towards the door, her tears blinded her so that she did not see Luke standing around the corner.

* * *

A/N – yada, yada, yada…boring and dramatic. I wish I could've made this funnier but the subject matter is just too serious. Now we can get on with the fun stuff in the next chapter…

PS – I just couldn't resist borrowing a little dialog from the most recent episode.


	4. Chapter 4

BAM BAM BAM!!!

Rory awoke to the sound of someone banging on the door of her apartment. She stumbled out of bed and went to answer it, in her nightshirt, mussed hair, in a sleepy stupor.

"Who the hell is banging on our door at 6AM?" yelled Paris from the other room. "Make sure they know we have a taser and we're not afraid to use it!"

Rory glanced through the peephole, then opened the door to let her mother in. Lorelai walked in clutching a cup of coffee in her hands.

"Time to get dressed, hon, I'm taking you out," Lorelai announced.

"What?" Rory asked, not registering what Lorelai was saying.

"Special day for the girls. Up and at 'em, let's go."

"You're taking me nowhere except back to bed," Rory insisted as she turned back towards her bedroom.

"Sorry, kid, can't allow it," Lorelai said as she blocked Rory's way to her room.

"Mom, I've got homework to do, a newspaper meeting this afternoon…maybe we can do this tomorrow."

"Ditch it. Make like it's Iraq. Cut & run."

"What's going on anyway? Just where are you trying to kidnap me to?"

"Sorry, that information is on a need-to-know basis only. Get dressed and all will be revealed."

"I'm going back to bed," Rory announced.

Lorelai pushed Rory aside, raced into her bedroom and grabbed her pillow off her bed. "HA!" she shouted. "Now I've got you, I know you can't sleep without this."

"Oh my God, you are completely deranged. What the hell is going on?"

"I told you, a mother-daughter bonding day," Lorelai informed her. She waved her cup of coffee under Rory's nose to tantalize her. "I've got more of this for you in the car," she said.

Rory sniffed at the coffee and looked longingly as Lorelai took a sip. "Mom, if we bonded any more, we'd be conjoined twins. All the top doctors in the country would be planning our separation surgery. Why won't you tell me what you're planning?"

"If I told you, then you wouldn't want to come."

"Well I'm sold now," Rory said sarcastically as she climbed back into bed.

"OK, I'll wait. I give you 5 minutes." Lorelai said as she brought Rory's pillow back into the living room and sat down with her coffee.

Rory spent about 2 minutes tossing and turning in her bed, unable to get comfortable without her pillow. Finally she gave up and crawled back out of bed.

"I hate you!" she shouted into the living room.

"So do I!" echoed Paris from her room.

Rory came into the living room. "So what do I need to bring?" she demanded.

"Just get dressed. You can wear anything comfortable. All equipment will be provided. I've got coffee for you in the car, and you can even sleep, since we've got a few hours to drive before we get there."

"Equipment? You're not going to try gardening again, are you? You do know it's winter, right?"

"No gardening. Believe me, I learned my lesson that time."

"Where's Dad today, anyway?"

"Off in the world of guys, doing guy things with other guys and all their guy stuff. Today it's just the girls, remember?" Lorelai replied.

Rory got dressed and they both made their way down to Lorelai's Jeep. As Rory got in, she couldn't help but notice the mounds of gear heaped in the back seat. It almost looked like..."Snow gear?" Rory asked.

"Need to know basis," Lorelai reminded her as she climbed into the car and handed a cup of coffee to Rory. "Now go back to sleep, I'll wake you when we get there."

"Just don't forget that Paris witnessed me leaving with you. If they can't find my body, you'll be the prime suspect."

"I'll get a good lawyer," Lorelai replied as they drove off.

* * *

Three hours later, Lorelai stopped the car and gave Rory a nudge. "Time to wake up, kid."

Rory grunted as she slowly opened her eyes and studied her surroundings.

"Snow," she observed sleepily.

"We're going skiing," Lorelai announced in an excited tone.

"Mom, you don't ski. Have you ever been skiing in your life?" Rory asked.

"No, but haven't you ever heard that saying that you should do one thing every day that scares you a little?"

"Yes, but you're proposing to spend the _entire_ day doing something completely _terrifying_. Let's have some perspective here."

"How hard can it be? Strap a pair of boards on my feet and slide down the snow. Gravity does all the work. Besides, I look adorable in all the ski gear."

"Mom, I have no ski gear," Rory reminded her.

"Got it covered, babe. I bought you an outfit too. Mine is purple & white, so I got green for you. The orange one was a little warmer, but it looked awful next to mine."

"Glad to know you have your priorities straight," Rory said.

The two of them got out of the car, went into the lodge to rent their skis and get their lift tickets for the day. Finally, they had all their gear on, and made their way to the top of the slope.

"You really should try out the bunny slope since this is your first time," advised Rory.

"I'd look ridiculous over there with all the little kids," Lorelai said as she contemplated the steep hill in front of her with a great deal of trepidation. "How come you're not on the bunny slope?"

"Mom, I have a confession to make. This is not my first time skiing," Rory admitted.

"What?" Lorelai asked, incredulous.

"Logan took me a few times last year," she said.

"And you never told me?" Lorelai demanded.

"It was just 2 or 3 day trips. I only did a little skiing, It's much nicer in the lodge, drinking hot chocolate and playing Backgammon. I just forgot to tell you because you were all wrapped up with the Inn and wedding plans with Luke last year…"

Lorelai looked down at the ground for a moment, then looked up again and took a deep breath. "Well, clearly we needed this mother-daughter bonding day. I feel like I hardly know you now. What other things have you been hiding from me? Are you joining the next US Olympic bobsled team too?"

"I wasn't hiding it, I just forgot to mention it," Rory insisted.

"Jujitsu? Got your black belt yet?"

"Come on, Mom," Rory insisted as she turned to head down the slope.

Lorelai gave herself a push and promptly fell down. Rory turned around and came back to help her up.

"Bunny slope, huh?" Lorelai asked.

"Definitely," Rory recommended.

"Maybe I'll give it a try. Falling on my ass seriously detracts from how cute I look in this outfit."

Rory rolled her eyes. "So when are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Rory suddenly demanded.

"What?" Lorelai asked as she brushed the snow off herself.

"Today. The sudden need to drive 3 hours in order to freeze our asses off and risk serious bodily injury. The last time you dragged me away suddenly like this, you had just broken things off with Max."

Lorelai suddenly looked guilty.

"I'm thinking maybe we can skip the broken bones and just go have our talk over a game of Backgammon."

"Backgammon, huh?" Lorelai asked. "Should I get you a nice lap blanket for your rocking chair? Knitting needles?"

"Mom," Rory said, her voice increasingly aggravated.

Lorelai sighed. "Hon, I've got some news for you."

"No kidding," Rory replied.

"Well, first thing, honey…Christopher…well, we're going to have to talk to Grandma and Grandpa about paying your Yale tuition this semester."

"What?" Rory asked, incredulous.

"Your dad…well…he tried, but he's never had a great head for business…" Lorelai stammered.

"What's going on, Mom?"

"Rory, your dad is having some financial troubles. He won't be able to pay your tuition this semester."

"But…how? He had so much money…" Rory asked, disbelieving.

"Honey, it's really not your concern. Don't worry about it. You know Grandma and Grandpa will be thrilled – more than thrilled – ecstatic - to put up the money and get their claws into you again."

Rory sighed.

"Lord help you," Lorelai added.

"So what else?" Rory asked.

"What?"

"You said that was the _first_ thing. I'm hoping you started with the bad news."

"I did," Lorelai confirmed.

"Good…" Rory said expectantly.

"And now it's time for the worse news," Lorelai sighed. "Your dad and I are splitting up."

"What?" Rory said, yet again.

"Christopher and I have decided to get a divorce."

"But you _just_ got married."

"I know hon, but we never should have..."

"My God, J-Lo was married longer than you. Britney Spears even pulled it together to stay married. Why the hell can't you - "

"Rory," Lorelai interjected. "I'm sorry. I know you've had this idea in your head of us being a normal family."

"How can you bail on a marriage after 2 months? What happened?"

"Oh, hon, there's so many things I couldn't even begin to explain. Chris and I have known each other forever, we always skirted around being together, getting married, it's almost like we just had to finally try it to see if it would work."

Rory was getting agitated. "So this was just a game for you? A trial run? God, how can you be so cavalier about this? People's lives are affected here, you know. Oh, God, poor Gigi, she's just gotten used to living with you and now she has to move again!"

"Rory - " Lorelai pleaded, but Rory continued.

"First you practically leave Max at the altar, then you and Luke just can't seem to get it together. When you finally took the plunge and married Dad I thought you had finally gotten your crap together. And now _this_?"

"Rory -" Lorelai tried again.

"Mom, I really don't want to talk to you right now. I don't want to _look_ at you right now," Rory said angrily. She turned away from Lorelai and started skiing down the slope.

"Rory, please," Lorelai pleaded. She pushed off and started skiing down the slope after her, but she couldn't match Rory's skill on skis. She coasted for about a hundred feet until she started to lose her balance, then, arms flailing wildly, she almost succeeded in regaining her balance until she saw a tree rapidly approaching ahead of her.

Lorelai's knee was introduced to the tree with a sickening crunch.

* * *

Hours later, Rory and Lorelai sat in the ski lodge lounge in front of a roaring fire. Lorelai's knee was in an Ace bandage, they were sipping hot chocolate and playing Backgammon.

"I'm still mad at you, you know," Rory informed Lorelai.

"You're going to be even madder when I kick your butt at this game," Lorelai replied as she rolled the dice.

"And she doesn't even have the decency to let me win," Rory commented to nobody in particular.

"HA! Doubles," exclaimed Lorelai as she moved her pieces on the board.

"Mom, what went wrong?"

"Rory, I really don't want to talk about it any more."

"Was it the money?"

Lorelai sighed. "Hon, it was the money, it was the way he snores, it was his shoes, my nail clippers, it was anything and everything."

"How is that possible, after 2 months of marriage? How much emotional baggage can you possibly accumulate so fast?"

"Rory, Christopher and I have known each other for most of our lives, we had plenty of baggage before we even got started."

"Was it Luke?"

Lorelai raised her head and looked at Rory in surprise.

"You hooked up with Dad so quickly after you split with him…"

Lorelai sighed. "Oh honey...not really. Your dad will probably disagree, but this marriage wasn't going to work either way, regardless of Luke. Maybe it ended a little sooner than it would've otherwise, that's it."

"Have you thought about seeing a therapist together? Or taking a trip together?"

"Rory…"

"Have you really tried to make this work, Mom?"

They looked at each other for a moment and Rory saw that there were tears in her mother's eyes.

"Rory, sometimes you just know. I know how much you want us to be a family. I know that Gigi is going to get hurt, and I know that I've hurt Christopher, and I wish I could just take that all away…"

Lorelai was suddenly very interested in a nick in the back of her chair as she took a deep breath to hold back the tears.

Rory sighed and contemplated for a moment. "OK, Mom," she said softly. Then she shifted gears. "I think this occasion calls for A Piece of Ass," she announced.

"Excuse me?"

"Amaretto, Southern Comfort and sour mix," Rory explained. "I'll be right back."

Rory headed over to the bar to get the drinks, but suddenly turned back to face Lorelai.

"I just want you to be happy, you know."

Lorelai smiled back at her. "In that case, please don't make me drink that concoction. Martini for me, if you will."

* * *

A/N: OK, I expect to take some flak for this chapter – I've read a number of fics that have Rory wanting Lorelai to ditch Chris and hook up with Luke, but I just don't find that realistic. Chris is her father, after all. She will eventually accept it and be fine with it, but I really think it's unrealistic to expect her to rejoice at hearing that her parents are getting divorced.

For all you Luke lovers, I have 3 more chapters planned for this story, and all of them will prominently feature Luke. Finally.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I saw the previews for next week's episode, and the bit with Miss Patty & Babette in Luke's sounded a lot like the following scene, but I promise you I had this written first!

* * *

Babette was trying hard to be subtle.

She was having a late lunch with Miss Patty at Luke's, and the two of them were comparing notes on the latest town gossip.

"Did you hear about Joanie O'Grady?" Miss Patty asked her.

"No, not since her husband turned big shot at that marketing company of his," Babette replied.

"Big shot, you have no idea. The power's really going to his head. Turns out he's got a mistress down in Texas, where his company's other office is, and he's moving in with her down there."

"Oh, poor Joanie," Babette said.

"Don't feel too sorry for her, She'll be getting a bundle in the divorce settlement."

Babette saw Luke heading in their direction and let out a rather large yawn that he was sure to see.

"Oh my God, I just can't keep my eyes open today," she complained to Miss Patty.

Luke passed their table and went to take an order 2 tables over from them.

"That Maury, he just doesn't stop, does he?" Miss Patty said, admiringly.

"He had a gig in New York last night and we didn't get back till about 3AM, and then we couldn't sleep late this morning on account of all the noise," she complained.

"What noise?" Miss Patty asked, right on cue.

"Christopher's moving truck next door," Babette said in a loud voice pointed in Luke's direction. "The darn thing had us up at 7 this morning, with all the beeping and the slamming and the grunting of the movers," Babette complained. "Maury had the right idea, he always sleeps with earplugs on account of my snoring. He says I'm louder than a stampede of Republicans running away from Jack Abramoff."

Luke, to Babette's annoyance, was still busy taking the people's order at the other table, and had not heard a word she said.

"Oh, I must come by. I just adore watching movers with their muscles and their sweat," Miss Patty swooned.

Finally Luke finished up at the other table and was making his way back towards them.

"Yeah, I had no idea Christopher had so much stuff, but they've already got one truck almost loaded up with it all, and another one on standby," Babette said in Luke's direction.

This time, Luke heard her. He paused for a moment by their table, then caught himself and proceeded on behind the counter, where he started wiping down the countertop with the utmost fastidiousness, doing his best not to let them know he was listening.

At this point, Kirk joined in the conversation. "Do you know how much he's paying the movers?" he asked.

"Sorry, doll, no idea," Babette replied.

"He should've called me, I guarantee to underbid all the local moving companies. And I work alone, so he'd only have to pay labor for one worker."

"Kirk, how can you move furniture by yourself?" Miss Patty asked.

"Oh, it's not so hard," Kirk replied. "Of course it gets a little dicey if they have something really big like a grand piano. I was paying my chiropractor for months after moving the Grubers back in '02 Still getting cortisone injections too."

"So what d'you think went wrong between them?" Miss Patty wondered.

"Well, I heard something about some money problems Christopher's been having, but come on, is there really any doubt what got between them?"

Babette glanced up at Luke behind the counter, who quickly looked back down at the counter he was wiping down and continued to pretend he wasn't listening.

Satisfied, Babette changed the subject. "Now Selma and Irwin Morris, that breakup's a real mystery…"

* * *

Lorelai limped into the Dragonfly kitchen that following Tuesday morning, in search of a cup of coffee.

"Hey, what happened to you?" Sookie asked upon seeing Lorelai's bandaged knee.

"Oh this? It's no big deal," Lorelai assured her. "I got out some of my old hip-hop CDs the other day and I just had to try some breakdancing."

"Oh my God, isn't it freaking you out how the 80s are back?" Sookie asked.

"It really was a decade best forgotten," Lorelai agreed. "Big hair."

"Ripped sweatshirts," Sookie supplied.

"Shoulder pads," interjected Lorelai.

"You're avoiding the subject," Sookie reminded her.

"Oh, it's no big deal," Lorelai assured her. "I took Rory skiing the other day and my skis were more afraid of me than they were of the massive tree standing in our way."

"Skiing?" Sookie asked.

"Yes," Lorelai replied.

Sookie sighed. "So something must be wrong with Christopher."

"OK, now that's just freaky," Lorelai said. "How did you know?"

"It's this whole impulsive-bordering-on-daredevil streak that you get when your relationships go wrong," Sookie explained. "With Max it was a sudden road trip to New Hampshire. The guy before him, it was rock climbing. I also seem to recall a white-water rafting incident one time."

Lorelai rolled her eyes defensively.

"So what's going on?" Sookie asked again.

"Sookie, if I told you we're splitting up, could we just leave it at that?" Lorelai asked.

"Oh honey, what happened?" Sookie asked, suddenly sympathetic.

"Really, Sookie, can we not talk about this right now? I really just need to get some coffee and do some work and feel normal for a little while. I promise to tell you everything eventually, but for right now, can we just stick to discussing our worst 80s fashion faux pas?"

Sookie looked at her, concerned. "Are you sure?"

"I am _definitely_ sure that I will never wear a miniskirt on top of leggings again," Lorelai said.

Sookie giggled. "My Bananarama haircut isn't one of my proudest moments either."

Just then, Michel came into the kitchen. "Lorelai, the Bennetts in room 6 are complaining about the noise next door in room 8."

Lorelai and Sookie looked at each other knowingly.

"Michael Jackson, right?" Lorelai said to Sookie as the two of them started giggling together.

"What are you talking about?" Michel wondered.

"Oh yeah, I definitely think there was some Moonwalking in his past," Sookie speculated.

"There was not," Michel insisted.

"Oh, come on Michel," Lorelai prodded him. "Everyone was into _Thriller_, with the leather jacket and the dancing and the single glove…"

"Well, not me," Michel insisted.

"Come on, not even the glove?"

Michel gave an annoyed sigh. "There may have been a glove," he admitted.

Lorelai and Sookie were about to burst into peals of hysterical laughter when one of the Inn staff walked in. "Lorelai, there's someone here to see you," she said.

Lorelai hobbled into the lobby to find Luke waiting for her.

"Hey," she said in greeting.

"Hey," he replied, then noticed her limp. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Sectumsempra curse. Harry and I've been out fighting Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

"What?" Luke asked.

"Crashed into a tree while skiing," Lorelai retorted.

"Truth is stranger than fiction," Luke mused. "I'm just here to fix the railing," he said, eyeing her with a look that was simultaneously inquisitive, suspicious, and guarded.

"Luke, you really don't have to."

"I'm not starting this with you again. Go nurse your knee and let me work."

* * *

Two hours later, Lorelai limped out onto the porch carrying a glass of iced tea and a plate with a slice of pie.

"I brought you a snack," she informed him.

"Thanks," he said as he took the glass from her and gulped it down.

They stood together in an uncomfortable silence, until Lorelai sighed and said, "Hey, Luke, I don't know if you've heard, but…"

"I heard," Luke interjected.

"Oh, Uh, OK," Lorelai replied. "Wow, that Babette does good work. I don't know why I'm telling you, I guess I just thought you'd be interested…I mean, not _interested_, per se, not interested in me, just interested in the information, just like you'd be interested in it for anyone else in town, not like I'm special or anything," Lorelai rambled uncomfortably.

"Mm-hm," Luke said as he continued working.

"Lorelai Gilmore has yet another failed relationship under her belt," she said self-deprecatingly.

Luke looked up for a moment with an expression that was…could it be annoyed?

"So who purchased you the other night?" Lorelai asked nervously.

"Huh?"

"The Valentine auction. I saw you there."

"Oh - that."

"Man, I swear you're the last person I expected to see there. Maybe second-to-last, behind Kim Jong-Il."

"It's no big deal," Luke replied.

"Seemed like a big deal to me. Or at least I would think it would be to you, parading around in front of a bunch of women in heat. I mean, wasn't it kind of embarrassing?"

"No more embarrassing than _being_ one of those women in heat," Luke snipped back at her.

"I just think it's really weird that you would do something like that."

"Why do you care?" Luke asked, annoyed. "This really isn't any of your business."

Lorelai was taken aback at this retort. "I don't _care_. I'm just curious."

"What I do is my own concern, not yours. We're not together any more. You don't get the right to tell me what to do."

"I wasn't telling you what to do," Lorelai protested.

"I can do what I want and I don't have to answer to anyone, let alone you."

"I know," Lorelai replied. "God, why are you being so defensive?"

Luke turned and went back to his repair work and did not answer.

* * *

Lorelai continued to watch him work out the window. Half an hour later, he was finished, had cleared up all his tools and was about to get into his truck. When Lorelai realized he was going to leave without saying anything, she limped outside to catch him.

"Luke!" she said after him.

Luke turned to look at her.

"Look, I'm not sure what happened back there, but I just wanted to say thanks for the repair job. It was really a big help."

"No problem," Luke replied in a voice that clearly indicated he was still annoyed. He turned to leave, then reconsidered and turned back to look at her.

They stood looking at each other for a moment, in silence.

"Why did you marry him?" Luke finally asked.

Just for a split second, Lorelai was surprised to see an expression of real anguish in his face. She sighed, and paused to consider her answer. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally replied.

"He was the Anti-Luke."

"Excuse me?"

"He wasn't you. He was the _antithesis_ of you. Everything that was wrong between us was suddenly right with him. Everything that had been hurting me for so long between us, was suddenly put right with him."

Luke paused for a moment to take it all in. "Guess I really made a mess of things, didn't I?" he finally said.

"No, Luke, it was both of us. I should've said something sooner. I should've..."

"So what went wrong?" Luke interjected. "With him, I mean."

Lorelai paused again to consider. When she replied, her voice was barely above a whisper.

"He was the Anti-Luke."

Lorelai turned and went back inside the Inn without another word, leaving Luke alone outside, her words still echoing in his ears.


	6. Chapter 6

They were becoming friends again.

Sort of.

Lorelai had started coming back to eat at the diner. At first, she made sure to bring Rory, or Sookie or Babette along as a buffer, but she had eventually reached the point where she was comfortable coming in alone. She would order her coffee, burger and pie, and she and Luke would trade jibes and things would seem almost normal between them.

But both of them knew that they were walking a very, very fine line. Boundaries were unspoken, but clearly defined: no contact was allowed outside the diner, and certain subjects were avoided entirely in conversation. They both knew they looked forward to seeing each other just a little too much. They both knew there were still feelings there.

But they were both unwilling to risk getting hurt again.

So they continued their precariously-balanced friendship, both painfully aware that it was only a matter of time until the balance started tipping, one way or the other. Which it did, of course.

It all started with April's 14th birthday…

* * *

Lorelai was sitting in the diner, eating her breakfast, enjoying the Stars Hollow banter of that sunny morning in April. Babette was telling everyone about the fender-bender that she had gotten into the other day, Gypsy was offering her mechanical services, Taylor was bemoaning the scourge of unsafe drivers in the area, and Kirk was promoting himself as a chauffeur while her car was being fixed, while Lorelai contemplated her upcoming day's work at the Dragonfly.

Suddenly Luke and April emerged from the upstairs apartment and entered the diner.

"April, I promise, you'll love it," Luke implored her. "Please let me do this for you."

"Dad," April said in a warning tone.

"Come on, I've got all sorts of ideas. Piñata, musical chairs…"

"Oh my God!" April cried. "Musical chairs, Dad? I'm not two!"

"OK, tell me what you want, then." Luke slid a piece of paper and a pen over to her. "Here, I have to work, but take this and write down your ideas," he said as he started clearing dishes.

April made her way over to Lorelai's table. "Will you _please_ make him stop?" she implored Lorelai. "He's hell-bent on planning another birthday party for me, and if it's anything like the last one…"

"…you will have a _fantastic_ time," interjected Luke as he passed their table and continued on to take an order at the next table over.

"No thanks to him," April said under her breath, just loud enough for Lorelai to hear. "_You're_ the one who saved that party."

Approximately 2,137 comments crossed Lorelai's mind in response to this, but she decided none were suitable for public consumption, and instead settled on, "I dunno, hon, he looks pretty determined."

"This is going to be _so_ embarrassing," April complained. "He's going to have pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, or some other game for _preschoolers_, or else it'll be totally boring and lame, or else he'll act weird and scare my friends off…"

Miss Patty couldn't resist joining the conversation. "Dear, you're just going to have to take charge," she advised her.

"How?"

"Tell him _exactly_ what kind of party you want, who you want to invite, what you want them to wear, what you want him to say, what games you want to play, what color you want the streamers, every detail. If you give a man direction, he can sometimes surprise you and pull it off."

"I can't plan a party," April said helplessly. "My mom has always done this stuff."

"Well, do you have a theme picked out?" Lorelai asked. "That's the place to start."

"You know, you're talking to the best here," Miss Patty offered. "Lorelai planned some of the absolute best bashes for Rory's birthdays."

"Oh, no, I'm sure you'll do fine on your own," Lorelai said, taken aback.

"Well, I was thinking a Hollywood theme might be fun…" April suggested.

"Well, it might be fun if Luke was even remotely familiar with Hollywood," Lorelai commented. "But since he's not much of a movie guy, I'd suggest sticking with something he's at least heard of before."

"Like what?"

"Oh, lots of things, you could do a murder mystery, a scavenger hunt, a sock hop, a Luau, fortune telling…" Lorelai rattled off the top of her head.

"I vote for the Luau," Miss Patty suggested. "Not so many details for Luke to worry about. Just set it up and run with it."

April nodded. "OK, I think I could work with that." She began writing ideas down on the piece of paper.

* * *

A few days later, Lorelai was in the diner getting her lunch. Luke came over to her table, poised to take her order.

"Ready to order?"

"How's the cheese steak today?" Lorelai asked him.

"Same as it was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and probably every day since I opened the diner," Luke replied.

"Oh no it's not," Lorelai retorted. "Sometimes the steak is well-done, sometimes it's rare. Sometimes it's got provolone, sometimes American, I've had a number of different kinds of rolls with it and one time there was some sort of weird sauce on it with herbs or something."

Luke rolled his eyes. "You'll have to ask Caesar."

"There's actually a distinct pattern that I've been trying to pin down for some time now. At first I thought it went with the phases of the moon, but that's not right. Then I was tracking a correlation with the Red Sox, but then baseball season ended and I lost the trail completely."

Luke started to look impatient. "So do you want it or not?"

"Does Caesar have a girlfriend?" Lorelai asked suddenly.

Luke sighed impatiently. "What? Yeah, I think he does."

"Did he see her last night?"

"No, he was working late here."

"OK, I'll pass on the cheese steak. Burger and apple pie, please."

"Coming right up," Luke said. He turned to leave, but then paused for a moment.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said.

"Yes, I do think there was a conspiracy against Anna Nicole Smith," Lorelai offered.

Luke ignored her. "What did you do for Rory's 14th birthday?"

"Oh. Um, scavenger hunt, I think. Why?"

Luke sighed again. "Well you know about this birthday party that I'm planning for April," he started.

"Word on the street says you'll be serving hootch," Lorelai joked.

"You know who she wants to invite?"

"Well, she hasn't told me, but I'd put money on Orlando Bloom," Lorelai speculated.

"Boys."

"Excuse me?"

"She wants to invite boys to this thing."

Lorelai smiled knowingly. "Well, she is 14," she reminded Luke.

"And you think that's OK?" Luke asked. "Did Rory have boys at her party?"

Suddenly Lorelai fell silent, with a surprised and curious look on her face as she studied him.

"What?" Luke wondered.

"Are you asking for parenting advice?" she said incredulously.

"Well, yeah, I mean I just wondered what your opinion was. What's the big deal?" Luke asked.

"What does her mother think?"

"Her mother thinks that I'm throwing a party for her, and that's all she needs to know. This is my place and I'm in charge here."

Lorelai looked even more surprised.

"What?" Luke asked.

"Oh, no, it's fine, it's just…wow, that's a switch…"

"So what about the boys?" Luke asked again. "What was Rory's 14th birthday like?"

Lorelai suddenly gasped. "Oh, I know exactly what you should do," she said. "Just like we did for Rory; we had a huge blowout at the house, I think we had about a hundred people there."

"I can't fit a hundred people in here," Luke said.

"Well, she wants a Luau, right?"

"Mm-hm…"

"Do it in the town square. Invite everyone she knows and has ever known. Everyone you know and have ever known. It'll all be out in the open, so boys and girls can't get into too much trouble together. Have a huge bash. Live music, bonfire, grass skirts, pineapple punch to drink, Miss Patty will have the kids do a hula dance show, she'll feel like a queen."

"I dunno, it sounds a little over the top," Luke said doubtfully.

"Having the cops show up for Rory's 8-year-old's birthday party was over the top. This will just be a really, really fun time."

Luke still looked doubtful, but finally said, "OK."


	7. Chapter 7

And so it happened that April's 14th birthday party turned into a Stars Hollow no-holds-barred town bash. Luke and April were certainly no party-planning experts, but Lorelai, Miss Patty and Babette were in the diner almost every day, willing to be pumped for advice, and of course Kirk was willing to offer his services on anything and everything they might need.

The day before the party finally arrived, and everything was ready, every base had been covered.

Except for one…

* * *

Lorelai stepped inside the diner and sat down at the counter, to find a somewhat aggravated-looking Luke behind it. He saw her come in, grabbed a coffee cup, set it down in front of her and poured her a cup of coffee.

"Did you know that they've done studies that actually prove the teenage brain is irrational?" Luke asked her.

"Dealing with a bit of birthday-girl angst, are we?"

Just then April appeared in the doorway leading upstairs, dressed in a pair of gray pants and a brown top. "I guess this will have to do," she said, clearly annoyed.

Luke rolled his eyes towards Lorelai so that April wouldn't see, then turned to face her. "What about the blue dress? I thought you had settled on that," he said.

"I don't have any shoes that go with it," she said.

"What about the red skirt? I thought that looked great."

"Come on, Dad, it makes me look like a fat walrus."

"It does not, April," Luke insisted.

"Oh, yes it does," April assured both Luke and Lorelai.

Lorelai looked April up and down and finally said to her, "Well, it's perfect for wearing to the mosque, maybe not so great for a Luau."

April looked helpless. "I know, but I don't have anything else."

"She has _plenty_ of things to wear," Luke interjected. "What about the purple top?"

"Nothing to wear it with," April reminded him.

Lorelai stood up and headed over to the doorway with April. "This sounds like a job for Super Wardrobe Woman," she announced. "Able to dress girls of all ages and sizes with a single…oh, whatever," she babbled as she headed up the stairs into Luke's apartment as April followed her.

Lorelai paused for a moment as she realized that this was the first time she had been back in Luke's apartment since the breakup. She gulped, then turned to face April. "OK, let's see what you've got."

April showed her the selection of clothes that she had brought with her from home and spread out on the bed.

Lorelai spent a few moments rifling through the collection of clothes, then turned back towards the door. "Come with me," she beckoned to April. They marched back down into the diner.

"She has nothing to wear," Lorelai announced to Luke.

"What? The girl has clothes covering her entire bed," Luke objected.

"Luke, you're throwing her a huge party, she needs something special to wear. Something drop-dead fabulous. You need to take her shopping."

Luke looked helpless. "I can't right now, I'm working."

"He wouldn't have a clue where to go or what to get anyway," April complained.

Lorelai sighed. "OK, come on," she said to April.

"What?" Luke and April said simultaneously.

"I'm taking you to that place of wonder and excitement known as the mall," Lorelai announced. "For anyone unfamiliar with the concept," she said in Luke's direction, "It's a place where rows and rows of stores are joined together and you can buy almost anything known to exist without ever taking a breath of fresh outdoor air or eating any remotely healthy food."

" Lorelai, no…" Luke objected.

"Well I'm certainly not going to leave it to you, or it won't get done," she said to him. "Come on, let's have your credit card."

"Lorelai…"

"Hand it over, or else I'll loan her my black lace dress," Lorelai threatened.

Luke looked at her questioningly.

"Remember the one with no back and the plunging neckline? It's probably about 3 sizes too big for her?"

Luke quickly got out his wallet and handed his credit card to her.

* * *

Lorelai and April sat in the food court, shopping bags piled high on either side of them, with every imaginable ethnicity of food spread out on the table.

"Rory would be proud," Lorelai commented, regarding the spread. "We'll have to save her some leftovers."

"So what should I do with my hair?" April asked her.

Lorelai regarded her for a moment, then said, "I think something simple would be fine. A nice fancy barrette in the back. We'll take a look at some more stores when we finish here."

April nodded appreciatively as they both plunged into a container of vindaloo.

"So who's the guy?" Lorelai asked suddenly.

"What guy?"

"Big party, you wanted to invite boys, you're all worried about what to wear, what to do with your hair, plus you're 14, I just figured there's probably a guy involved," Lorelai speculated.

April gave an embarrassed roll of her eyes, then said "Justin."

"Justin," Lorelai repeated knowingly. "So what's the deal with Justin?"

"Oh, he's just this guy from my Biology class, he's really cool and funny and perfect…" April trailed off.

"Does he like you?"

"Well, he invited me to the Valentine's Day dance, but I wasn't totally in love with him back in February, so I said no."

"Ah, so now he thinks you're not interested. Is he coming to the party?"

"I'm not sure. I think so. He's best friends with Tyler McFay, who's going out with Kayla Bergstrom, and I know she's coming…"

"Well, hon, you're gonna have to do the Sadie Hawkins thing, I think."

April looked mortified. "Oh, God."

"Oh, it's not so bad," Lorelai reassured her. "You already know he's interested. Just bite the bullet and ask him to dance. It'll take 2 seconds and then you'll be dancing with him and you'll go off into the sunset and live happily ever after with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence."

"Have you ever asked a guy out?" April asked her.

"Asked them out, kissed first, _and_ proposed marriage."

"You proposed to a guy?" April said, her eyes wide. "How on earth did you take the rejection?"

"Hey, what makes you so sure I was rejected?" Lorelai asked.

"You're not married, are you?"

"True. Well, as a matter of fact, it was your dad, and he said yes," Lorelai said. She had intended to sound indignant, but by the time she completed her sentence there was a distinct melancholy tone in her voice.

"Oh – that," April said.

"Yeah, that."

"So how come I see you so much more now that you're broken up with Dad? I hardly ever saw you when you were with him. Now I see you in the diner all the time."

Lorelai sighed. "Oh, hon, it's a long, long story that I'm not even sure I fully understand."

* * *

Lorelai and April made a triumphant entrance into the diner, fully laden with shopping bags.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Luke asked. "I thought you'd be back hours ago."

"The mall," Lorelai replied. "I told you where we were going."

"For 4 hours? Did you leave any clothes for anyone else?"

"Hey, shopping is serious business, especially when there's a major event like a birthday party coming up. Can't be rushed."

"Did you get something you like?" Luke asked April.

"Like, love, adore, esteem, admire, glorify, and any other synonym you can come up with," April said excitedly as she pulled her dress out of a bag and held it up to show Luke.

"Hey, that's not bad," he said admiringly.

April disappeared upstairs with her portion of the bags, leaving Luke and Lorelai alone. Lorelai sat down at the counter as Luke pulled out a coffee cup and poured her some coffee.

"Look, I'm sorry you got roped into this whole thing," he apologized to her.

"Really, Luke, it's no problem. Actually it was a lot of fun, especially with Jeeves along to help out."

"Jeeves?"

"Your credit card."

"'_Jeeves_?'"

"It's your servant, isn't it?"

"More like the other way around," Luke groused. "Hey, you're coming to this thing tomorrow, right?"

Lorelai looked surprised and uncomfortable. "Oh, well, I don't know, I mean, I wasn't sure about…"

"' Invite everyone she knows and has ever known. Everyone you know and have ever known.'" Luke quoted back to her. "I'm pretty sure you fall into at least one of those categories."

"Oh…OK," Lorelai said. "Um, I guess I'll see you there."

* * *

And thus the "no contact outside the diner" unspoken rule was broken and the balance began to tip…

A/N: So I figure it's April that broke them up (so to speak) so it will be April who will bring them back together.

These 2 chapters were originally supposed to be one – and we haven't even gotten to the main event, so this whole thing is rapidly expanding. Right now I'm planning 2 more chapters, but the next one could possibly get longer when I go to write it…


	8. Chapter 8

It looked like the whole town was there.

Lorelai approached the town square, which was full of people in grass skirts and leis. Kirk was blasting Hawaiian music as Miss Patty led a group of partygoers in a round of the hula, Liz was doing a jewelry-making activity with a group of girls, and another group of revelers were engaging in relay races.

Liz caught sight of Lorelai and waved. "Hey Lorelai!" she called. "Come on, we're making necklaces," she said, waving to her to join them.

Lorelai made her way over to the jewelry table and leaned over to give Liz a hug. There were a number of girls scattered about the area, working on their own jewelry projects.

"Oh my God, that is so weird," Liz said. "I was just thinking about you, and I had no idea you were going to be here."

"Not picturing me naked, I hope," Lorelai said.

"I was just telling the girls here about the chakra stones," Liz explained. "I was explaining the fifth chakra to them, with the Turquoise and the Aquamarine and I was thinking that it would be perfect for you." Liz rifled through her collection of necklaces and came up with one that she placed around Lorelai's neck.

"Oh, Liz, really, I'm more of a 2nd chakra type…" Lorelai joked as she removed the necklace and returned it to the table.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Liz assured her. "Hey, have you seen Luke? I was thinking that these Carnelian stones would be right up his alley."

"Not yet, but I'll be sure to tell him you're looking for his, uh, chakras," Lorelai said.

She proceeded on through the festivities, was presented with a lei from Miss Patty, snatched a few chips and macadamia nuts off the refreshments table, and finally found Luke, who was arguing with Kirk in the gazebo.

"Kirk, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Luke asked.

"Absolutely," Kirk assured him. "I'm fully licensed for public fireworks displays, and I've obtained all the necessary permits."

"And you've done this before?" Luke asked.

"Well…yes. Once." Kirk said hesitantly, then added defensively, "But the Barrowman's roof damage was _not_ my fault. And Ricky's burns were only 2nd degree, not 3rd."

"Oh, I feel so much better now," Luke said sarcastically as he turned and saw Lorelai approaching.

"Hey," Lorelai said as she saw him, "This is some bash you've got going here."

"Yeah," Luke replied, "Well I figure I'm making up for 12 years of missed birthdays."

"Keep it up and your reputation as a hermit will be in serious jeopardy," Lorelai commented.

"Trust me, as soon as this thing is over, I'll be crawling back into my hole," Luke assured her as he surveyed the crowd. "I hope these people don't plan on staying for hours or anything."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Martha Stewart," Lorelai quipped.

Babette appeared just then, carrying a brown paper bag under her arm. "Hey sugar," she said.

"Hey Babette," said Lorelai. "What's in the bag? Cannabis? Automatic weapons?"

"Oh, just a little something to kick things up a bit," Babette replied, winking at Lorelai. "A little treat for the girls." Babette reached into the bag, pulled out a bottle and shoved it into Lorelai's hands. Lorelai looked to see what she had been handed.

It was a bottle of Zima.

She looked up at Luke, who had noticed it as well. Their eyes met for a moment, remembering.

Babette broke up the moment. "Now I know this is a kids' party, family-friendly and all that, so it's one drink to a customer. Hey Luke, can I give one to April?"

"She's 14," Luke objected.

"So that's a 'no' then? OK, well excuse me, I'm gonna go share some with Gypsy." Babette headed away across the square.

"Is that legal?" Luke asked, indicating Lorelai's drink.

"Probably not. Didn't stop us," Lorelai replied, looking him closely in the eye. "Hey, where's the birthday girl?"

"Last I saw, she said something about a marshmallow and a wooden spoon," Luke said vaguely.

"Excuse me?"

"Relay races," Luke clarified.

"Well, I'm going to go say hi," Lorelai said.

Lorelai scanned the square for April, then finally spotted her talking to a group of townies, and made her way over.

April saw her coming. "Hi Lorelai," she said excitedly.

"Please tell me they haven't brainwashed you or anything," Lorelai said, indicating Miss Patty, Kirk, and the other townies she had been talking to. "You still remember your name?"

April rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Any plans to quit school and run off to Namibia? Have you switched to a macrobiotic diet?"

April shook her head.

"You can't be too careful around this crowd," Lorelai said. "So is he here?"

"Justin? Yeah, he's over there," April said as she pointed to a boy across the square.

"Now there's a dish," Miss Patty swooned. "Is he yours?"

"Working on it," Lorelai replied for her. "You're gonna ask him to dance, right?"

April looked nervous. "I think so," she said.

Babette changed the subject. "This is some party. I still can't believe that Luke pulled this thing together all by himself."

"Oh, I believe it," Lorelai assured them. "Beneath all that grouchy flannel lurks a real softie who's perfectly capable of plenty of pomp & circumstance if the occasion warrants it."

"Well I suppose you would know, dear," Miss Patty said.

"Remember the chuppa." Lorelai reminded them.

"What's a chuppa?" April asked.

Lorelai blushed almost imperceptibly. "Well, it's kind of a decorative frame thingie used for wedding ceremonies. I was, uh, engaged to this other guy a while ago and Luke made this gorgeous hand carved wooden chuppa for the ceremony. I still have it in the backyard, it makes a great lawn decoration."

"And the ice rink," Babette reminded her.

"What ice rink?" April asked.

"Oh, I was having a really bad week and Luke built an ice rink for me in my front yard," Lorelai said.

"It's so weird hearing this stuff," April said. "He's my dad, but I've only known him for a year and you've all known him for such a long time."

"Oh, honey, any time you want some good Luke stories, just let us know. We could spend hours. Days telling them," Miss Patty offered.

"They called him Butch in high school," Lorelai offered, giggling.

"Butch?" April repeated, laughing.

"And he used to be a Trekkie," Lorelai added.

"As in 'beam me up, Scotty?'" April said, between giggles.

"Oh, Patty, tell them about the town meeting with Luke & his dad," Babette urged them.

"Now this one I haven't heard," Lorelai said. "Must be before my time."

"Well, I think it was Will's birthday or something…" Babette started.

"Will?" April asked.

"Luke's dad. Anyway, Luke must've been about 22 at the time. The two of them had been out at the bar, celebrating together and getting absolutely trashed, and for some reason they decided to show up at the town meeting that was going on that night. Taylor was leading a discussion on the gypsy moth plague in town, and Will ended up getting up in the middle of it all and started a long rant on the pros and cons of Philips head screwdrivers. When they tried to escort the two of them out, Luke tripped and ended up with this major gash in his arm. We had to call an ambulance & everything. He ended up needing something like 20 stitches."

"His left arm?" Lorelai asked. "The big fat liar, he told me that scar was from a football injury." Lorelai looked up and happened to catch Luke's eye across the square. They both smiled and waved at each other.

"There were the Easter eggs," Kirk offered. "Taylor was mad at me because I hid the Easter eggs in the town square for the Easter Egg hunt, and I didn't make a map so we couldn't find the extras. They were starting to get rotten and stinking up the square and he was going to have to cancel the flower show because of the stink. There were 12 eggs that we just couldn't find, we had a whole army of workers out there looking for them and nobody could find them. We had all given up, were going to cancel the show, until Luke suddenly showed up and gave me the last 12 eggs. He didn't even take credit for it, he let Taylor think I had found them all."

Babette shared another story. "Remember that town fundraiser that Rachel made Luke cater?"

"Who's Rachel?" April asked.

"Old girlfriend," Lorelai said tersely.

"She volunteered Luke to supply food for the event – I can't even remember what it was any more, but I do know that he did _not_ want to do it. He was _furious_ with her."

"Luke's never been that keen on town events," Miss Patty explained to April.

"So what did he do?" April asked.

"He used it to get rid of all his extra inventory. I've never seen so many veggie burgers and Monte Cristo sandwiches in my life."

"Soggy and way too much salt," Kirk offered.

"Everyone _hated_ the food," Babette said, "and nobody's asked him to cater any fundraisers since then, but there's one thing that not many people know…"

"What?" April asked.

"After the event, he chipped in $1000 for the cause."

* * *

Lorelai excused herself and went to get some more food, and April decided to follow her. By this time, dusk had fallen, and the town troubadour and his band chose this moment to strike up the music. There was an area cleared for dancing, and people gradually started pairing off onto the dance floor. 

Lorelai and April helped themselves to some snacks and drinks and stood in silence watching the dancing.

"So why did you guys break up, anyway" April suddenly asked her.

Lorelai watched Luke serving punch to a crowd of teenagers as she pondered. "Honestly, hon, I can't remember any more," she finally replied wistfully.

"He still loves you, you know," April informed her.

"No he doesn't," Lorelai objected.

"I can tell," April said simply.

Lorelai was silent for a moment, then she sighed deeply and changed the subject. "OK, I refuse to stand here watching everyone else dance while the guest of honor just stands here next to me. It's time," she stated definitively.

"Time for what?"

"Time for you to ask Justin to dance," she ordered.

April looked stricken. "Do I have to?"

"No," said Lorelai. "But if you don't he'll never know that you like him and he'll end up going out with some girl named 'Paisley' and you'll have to watch them together, the man of your dreams and the woman named after my curtains."

"'Paisley?'" April asked.

"It was one of Jackson's top 5 picks when they were trying to decide on a name for Martha," Lorelai explained. "I swear Sookie and I must've spent $100 on fabric, trying to talk him out of it."

April took a deep breath. "OK, I'm going," she announced.

Lorelai watched her walk over to Justin. The two spoke briefly, then, to Lorelai's delight, they walked together over to the dance floor and began dancing together.

* * *

Lorelai found her way back to the snack table, where Babette was refilling the bowls of snacks. 

"He better be giving you time & a half," Lorelai said as she took a handful of pretzels.

"Oh, Luke looked so busy with the punch, and dealing with Kirk and his fireworks, I just figured I'd lend a hand with the snacks," Babette said. "Hey, sugar, we're almost out of chips, you mind grabbing some? They're right inside the diner on the counter."

"Oh, sure Babette," Lorelai said, and headed toward Luke's.

She entered the empty diner and scanned the counter, but the chips were nowhere to be found. She turned and headed towards the storeroom. Suddenly there was a loud noise outside - Kirk had just started shooting off his fireworks. Lorelai turned her head to see, and so it happened that she was not looking where she was going as she entered the storeroom, and almost collided with Luke, who was on his way out.

They were face to face.

They were so close that they could feel each others' breath.

They were frozen in place.

Slowly, Luke raised a tentative hand to stroke Lorelai's face…

And then suddenly, wordlessly, they were in each others' arms, kissing fervently, with all the force of months of repressed passion and love suddenly exploding between them. Lorelai grasped Luke's face between her hands while Luke's hands explored her hair, her back, and finally found their way down to her rear end…

And then it was like they had both been slapped with a dose of reality. They broke apart and looked at each other for a moment, still breathless, then without a word, turned and continued on their separate ways.

* * *

Luke had exited the diner, so Lorelai was alone. She continued into the storeroom, leaned her forehead against the wall and took several deep breaths in an unsuccessful attempt to stave off the tears. 

She stayed there for some time until she was calmed down. Finally, she located the chips on one of the storeroom shelves and headed back outside, where she saw that the bonfire had been lit, and a group of people were gathering around it as the troubadour played a romantic ballad.

_ I can hear your voice echoing my voice softly_

_ I can feel your strength reinforcing mine_

_ If you fear I'll lose my spirit like some drunkard's wasted wine_

_ Don't you even think about it_

_ I'm feeling fine_

Lorelai glanced around the square, looking for Luke, who she finally spotted talking and laughing with partygoers as he doled out slices of birthday cake. Their eyes met for a moment, then he looked away again and continued slicing the cake.

Lorelai continued scanning the crowd – Babette and Maury were holding hands around the bonfire, T.J. had shown up and was keeping Liz company by the jewelry stand, and April and Justin were still dancing together.

She sighed and headed for home.

* * *

A/N: The lyrics above are from the obscurest of obscure songs, an achingly lovely ballad that was played at my wedding and elicited many compliments from the guests. A batch of cyber-cookies to anyone who can identify it – the cover version, not the original. The cover is vastly superior. 


	9. Chapter 9

The party was most definitely over.

After the ill-fated kiss with Luke, Lorelai had gone home and attempted to drown her sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's and _The Trouble with Harry_. And then _Harold and Maude_. When she finished watching episode 5 of _The Prisoner_ and was momentarily terrified of her beach ball that was lurking in the corner of the living room, she knew she was in trouble.

"Sheesh, who needs drugs?" she muttered to herself. "Watching a bizarre 70s scifi show into the wee hours of the morning produces much the same result." She looked at the clock. It was 2:18 AM.

She made her way up to her bedroom, knowing full well that she would not be able to sleep. She lay down in bed for a full 5 minutes, then got up and started pacing the room. Finally, she decided to put her energy to work, and began cleaning out her closet.

She brought out several boxes that she opened and quickly realized were Christopher's. She closed them up again and put them aside to give to Rory who would see that they reached their owner. Then she proceeded on to the next layer of junk in the back of the closet.

And that was when she found it.

It was on the floor of her closet, under the box of fishing gear that she had used precisely once, wedged up between the hammer that she had decorated with pink feathers for Rory, and the pair of suede pumps that she had bought but never worn.

She picked it up and held it in her hand as the tears started to fall.

* * *

Later, Lorelai decided she needed to take a walk to clear her head. She wasn't looking for Luke, but the diner _was_ in the middle of town, after all. Hard to miss it. 

But he was sure to be sleeping at this hour…

Wasn't he?

She tentatively crossed the town square towards the diner, where she thought she saw a light on. As she got closer to the diner, Luke became clearly visible inside, mopping the floor.

She rapped on the door, and Luke came over, unlocked it and let her in.

"It's 3:30 in the morning," he informed her.

"We kissed," she said simply.

He looked at her expectantly, wondering where this was going.

"You and me? We kissed," she repeated.

"I remember," he replied.

"And it was…unexpected."

"Lorelai, relax. I'm…"

Lorelai cut him off by holding up the item to show him.

"Your engagement ring," he said.

"I still have it," she said.

"I know," Luke replied.

"I can't believe I still have this. This is not how it's done when people break up. I'm supposed to offer to give you the ring back, and you're supposed to tell me to keep it, and then I'm supposed to throw it in a lake or something because it's too painful to look at. What the hell is wrong with me that I still have this? Why didn't I ever offer to give it back?"

"It's OK," Luke said. "I never really wanted it back anyway."

Lorelai was silent for a few moments, then she suddenly said, "Do you still have your grandmother's bedroom set?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your grandmother's bedroom set. The one you thought I liked and you put in our…my…the bedroom when the renovations were finished?" Lorelai spluttered.

"You mean the one you despised and made me get rid of," Luke corrected her.

"Yeah," Lorelai replied as she began pacing back & forth in the diner.

Luke looked confused. "Liz has it. She wanted it, said something about a 'psychic echo' in it."

Now it was Lorelai's turn to ask "What?"

"Don't ask," Luke replied, rolling his eyes. "What do you want with my grandmother's bedroom set?"

Lorelai took another deep breath, opened her mouth to speak, the once again reconsidered and started pacing again.

"I was cleaning out my closet," she finally explained.

"You actually cleaned out that dump?" Luke asked, incredulous.

"It's needed to be done for a while. Make sure all of Christopher's things are gone."

Luke looked annoyed at the mention of Christopher, and finally asked, impatiently, "Lorelai, what's this about?"

"Well, I was cleaning out the closet, and I found these sheets of his. Absolutely hideous sheets. Every color imaginable with paisleys and swirls, I got dizzy just looking at them."

"And you thought they'd go well with my grandmother's hideous bed?" Luke asked.

Lorelai ignored him and continued with her rant. "I was helping him unpack a while back when he moved in, and I found these sheets and they were just so awful, I couldn't stand the thought of them on _my_ bed, so I hid them in the back of the closet. And the worst thing is, he even asked about them at one point, he honestly thought I would _like_ them, and I played dumb, like I had no idea what he was talking about. Just let him think that they had gotten lost in the move."

Luke sighed impatiently.

"So I found them tonight, and I was just sitting on the bedroom floor, thinking about how I couldn't even give him that much. That tiny little thing. Letting him put his sheets on my bed, that would then be covered up with a perfectly comfortable and gorgeous quilt, so it's not like anyone would actually have to look at the stupid sheets. I couldn't even let him make that tiny little dent in this…world I've created. I couldn't even let him in an inch."

"Well, it's your house," Luke said.

"No. It should've been _our_ house. And it _was_ when we were together, I let _you_ make renovations to the house. We picked out wallpaper together. I let you use the oven for something other than shrinky-dinks…" Lorelai trailed off.

"Lorelai…" Luke began.

"So I was just looking at these god-awful sheets, wanting desperately to get them out of my sight, and wishing to God that your grandmother's bedroom set was still in my house."

"The bedroom set that you loathed," Luke reminded her.

"Yes. I loathed it. But it came with you," Lorelai finally explained. "And right now it seems like a perfectly equitable trade." Lorelai bit her lower lip as her eyes welled up.

"Lorelai…" Luke began again.

"And then I found the ring," Lorelai interrupted. She paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "Luke, I know it's pretty late in the game to be doing this, but I need to give this back." She placed the ring down on the counter.

"Why?" he asked.

"Luke, we can't be friends," she replied. "We proved that tonight and honestly I'm not sure we've ever really been friends."

"What are you talking about?"

"You carried that horoscope for 8 years, didn't you? That's not friendship. Not really." Luke started to protest, but Lorelai cut him off. "It wasn't just you. No way was it just you. God, I broke off the wedding with Max because of you. And Nicole? She saw it in me. I didn't hate her, I was just jealous. And she knew it."

Tears were now streaming down her face as she finally stated, "I tried to convince myself that I was over it, but it's not true. And I can't pretend any more. I'm sorry, Luke, I have to go."

Luke was too taken aback to say anything as he watched her turn and exit the diner without another word.

* * *

Lorelai left the diner and started walking home, her eyes blurred by her tears. Her walking got faster and faster until finally she was running, running as fast as she could in an effort to run off the pain. She was still sobbing, she was breathing heavily, she couldn't hear anything except her own feet pounding the pavement… 

Slowly she came to realize that there was another set of feet pounding the pavement behind her.

She stopped running and bent over for a moment, her hands on her knees, gasping for air. Then she stood up, turned around, and found herself face to face with Luke once again.

They stood there in silence for what seemed like hours, looking at each other, trying to catch their breath.

Finally Lorelai broke the silence. "What?" she said simply.

"I…just…" Luke trailed off, looking down at his shoes.

"You…just…what? Decided to run a 4-minute mile at 4:00 in the morning?"

"I…just…couldn't…" Luke looked helpless.

"…couldn't…_what_??" Lorelai asked, her voice increasingly agitated. "Wrestle an alligator? Perform neurosurgery? Form a complete sentence?"

"I couldn't let you go running off again, OK?" Luke said, angrily kicking at a stone on the ground. "God, I told you I don't like ultimatums."

"That wasn't…" Lorelai began.

"Yes it was," Luke interjected. "Maybe you didn't mean it, but it was. And now I'm here, running after you like a goddamned idiot, trying to stop you so you don't go sleep with Max, or sell the Inn and move to Peru, or God knows what else before I get a chance to actually think over what you said."

"Oh, no, Luke…"

"That's all I needed, you know. If you just could've waited a day. An hour, even. Given it a chance to sink into my big fat head, who knows where we'd be now? But no, just because I didn't jump the moment you snapped your fingers, you assumed I didn't love you and I didn't want to marry you."

Lorelai was taken aback at the bitterness in his voice.

"How could you think that?" he demanded of her. "How could you ever think you're not the most amazing, strong, exciting, beautiful woman I've ever met? How could you doubt how I felt?"

Lorelai's expression started to soften as she listened to his rant.

"After all we've been through. I know I messed things up when April showed up, but 10 years we've known each other. We made plans, we renovated the house. Nobody knows me as well as you. Why couldn't you knock some sense into me? Why couldn't you just _wait_?"

"I did wait," Lorelai said softly. "But you changed _so_ much. You weren't Luke any more. I waited and waited for him to come back. I just couldn't wait any more. I couldn't take the pain one more minute, so when you wouldn't marry me..."

Luke winced at these words.

"...I had to be done with it. I needed to put an end to the pain. I had to do something that I knew you wouldn't forgive. Just to make sure it would be over and done with."

Luke closed his eyes. "Over and done with, yeah," he echoed.

They stood in silence for a moment, contemplating the mistakes that had led them to this point, trying to find a way out.

Finally Lorelai sighed. "Goodbye, Luke," she said and turned towards home once again.

And so he watched her walk away. Again.

* * *

It was 4:12AM when Lorelai finally got home and collapsed into bed, exhausted. She slept for about 4 restless hours, at which time her alarm woke her. Cursing, she crawled out of bed, showered and got dressed, all the while doing her best to ignore the lump in her throat, and not think about the previous night's events. 

She was in the middle of putting her makeup on when she heard a car pull up to the house. She looked out the window and saw the familiar green truck. Its owner was still sitting inside.

She sighed and went downstairs and out onto the porch. When he saw her, Luke got out of the truck, leaned back against it and folded his arms across his chest.

"You were wrong," he said flatly.

"About what?"

"Us not being friends," he replied. "We've always been friends. Before we were together. While we were together, and even since we split, we've _always_ been friends. You slept with someone else – heck, you _married_ someone else and we're still talking to each other. If that's not friendship, then what is it?"

Lorelai sighed as she pondered, then she replied, "Whatever it is, Luke, I can't do it any more."

"Whatever it is, my life makes no sense without it," Luke said.

Lorelai looked at him in surprise at this sudden declaration. Their eyes met, and slowly she dared to allow the corners of her mouth to spread in a tiny, tentative smile.

Luke turned and reached back into the truck, where he pulled out a cup of coffee from the front seat and extended it to her. "Here, I thought you might need this this morning."

Lorelai laughed in spite of herself. "I need it every morning," she replied as she strode over to him, took the cup from his outstretched hand and took a sip.

They were standing face to face now. She looked up directly into his eyes, probing, questioning, boring into his soul, and continued, "Every morning, noon and night I need it."

He leaned in and gingerly touched her shoulder, then began fingering a lock of her hair. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her face as he murmured "Well, I'm always here."

Their lips met softly, very, very carefully as if testing to see if the wounds each had inflicted on the other over the past year were still smarting.

"Promise?" she whispered.

In response, Luke reached down into his pocket and pulled out the engagement ring. He looked at her questioningly for a moment, and when she nodded her assent, he lifted up her hand and slid the ring back onto her finger.

Back where it belonged.

With no hesitation this time, they kissed again, joyfully and passionately.

* * *

A/N – So this was supposed to be the last chapter of this story, but then I decided it needed an epilogue, and then the epilogue got bigger & bigger, and now I've decided just to do another chapter , and so far it's my favorite chapter of all of them. Please stay tuned… 

This was actually the first chapter I wrote in this story, but it ended up needing to be re-written completely once I circled back around. Originally I had Lorelai coming to Luke, taking a stand and doing 100 of the work, but I've come to realize that Luke needs to take a stand too. It's so tricky, though, to write Luke in an emotional confrontation context without having him come off as Sensitive New Age Guy. Hopefully I was successful here.

Bonus points to anyone who recognizes the snippet of dialog that I borrowed from an actual episode.


	10. Chapter 10

Three hours had passed since Luke and Lorelai's effective all-nighter had finally resulted in their reunion, and now Lorelai needed to share the news with Rory. She punched the numbers into her phone and listened to it ring.

"Hello?" Rory answered.

"What are you doing for lunch?" Lorelai demanded.

"Now?"

"Right now. I need you to meet me at Luke's."

"Mom, I'm supposed to meet Lucy for lunch, I've got a paper to finish, and a study group later this afternoon. Can we do it tomorrow?"

"No. I need you to ditch it all today."

"_What_?"

"Kind of an emergency, babe."

"What's up?" Rory asked.

"I can't tell you on the phone. Just meet me at Luke's as soon as you can get there."

"Mom, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"Nothing scary, just be there."

"Why won't you tell me what's up?"

"Jeez, hon, you could be on your way by now if you'd stop yammering."

Rory sighed, annoyed. "OK, OK, I'm going."

* * *

Lorelai entered the diner a few minutes later to find Luke putting on a new pot of coffee. She leaned over to give him a kiss, then sat down at the counter. 

"Rory's on her way," she informed him.

"Good."

"But I don't think I can wait for her. I just realized that I never had breakfast and if I don't get something to eat in about 30 seconds I can't be responsible for my actions."

Luke got out a plate and tongs and produced a donut which he presented to her. "Here, I saved you a donut."

"Aww, thanks," she said sweetly as she took a bite. Then she paused for a moment.

"When did you save this for me?" she asked quizzically.

"What?"

"When did you save this?"

"I don't remember exactly, why?" Luke asked.

"Well, it's just that it's Saturday and you usually run out of donuts really early on Saturdays."

"So?"

"So, you must've saved this for me early this morning, except that we weren't back together yet until later this morning. Were you really _that_ sure that we'd be back together again?"

"No. I save you one every day," he explained. "Depriving you of a donut that one time was quite enough for me, I'm not a glutton for punishment."

"Hey, I paid for the chair then," Lorelai protested. "So you've been saving me a donut every day? For how long?"

"About 6 years," Luke replied.

"Every day for 6 years?" she asked incredulously.

"Every damn day."

A huge smile crossed her face. "The day after our first kiss?"

"Chocolate frosted," Luke replied.

"The morning after we got engaged?"

"Raspberry jelly."

"What about after my parents renewed their vows?"

"Plain cake donut."

"I hate plain cake donuts."

"I know," Luke said.

"What about after we split up?" she asked tentatively.

"I kept one in the freezer for you just in case."

"I didn't know you could freeze donuts," Lorelai commented.

"Well, it got a pretty bad freezer-burn after a while."

* * *

Lorelai waited anxiously until she saw Rory's Prius pull up outside. 

"Be right back," she said excitedly to Luke as she gave him a kiss and ran outside to meet Rory.

She bounded up to the car to announce the news; however this turned out not to be necessary since Rory had seen the kiss through the window. Rory climbed out of the car, and the two of them ran together in a joyful hug, jumping up & down and squealing in delight.

Finally, they made their way back into the diner, where Rory gave Luke a hug.

"Hey, Luke, welcome back," she said.

"It's good to be back," Luke smiled as Lorelai and Rory sat down and he poured them some coffee. "Excuse me for a minute, I'm going to go make sure April hasn't had an aneurysm up there playing video games." Luke disappeared upstairs.

Rory turned to Lorelai. "So this is big," she observed.

Lorelai showed her the ring that was back on her finger.

"Wow, really big," Rory emphasized. ""Look at you, just diving right back into this head-first."

"Just call me Johnny Weissmuller."

Rory smiled in response, just as Luke and April emerged from upstairs.

"Hey Lorelai," April said in greeting.

"Hey, April, have a seat," Lorelai said, indicating the empty seat next to Rory.

Rory and April looked at each other, questioningly, as Luke sat down at the table with them.

"We have something to discuss with the two of you," Lorelai announced.

"Are you back together?" April asked eagerly.

Luke and Lorelai smiled in response, and April's grin broadened.

"But wait! There's more, don't buy those Ginsu knives yet," Lorelai said.

"We're going to elope," Luke announced.

"What?" April and Rory said in unison.

"Well, we decided it was either that or the African safari wedding package, and I don't have any shoes I could wear on a safari," Lorelai explained.

"When?" Rory asked.

"Well, that's why we wanted to talk to you, because we want both of you to come. So we need to pick a date that works for everyone," said Lorelai.

Rory got out her scheduler and began flipping through the pages.

Suddenly Lorelai gasped. "April, I just realized I'm going to be your Wicked Stepmother," Lorelai joked.

"Does that make me Cinderella?" April asked.

"Oh, my God, the possibilities are endless!" Lorelai continued. "I have to start a list of chores for you to do around the house right away." She got out a pen and started flipping through her scheduler. "OK, there's a wedding at the Inn next weekend, there's a family reunion the week after that..." she began.

"I have finals coming up soon after that," Rory said.

"OK, now we're up to June," Lorelai said. They both flipped more pages.

"Logan was planning a party or something that first week," Rory said.

"I'm going to science camp that next week," April offered.

Lorelai looked at Luke, her eyebrows raised. "Science camp?" she demanded.

Luke shrugged. "What do you want? She obviously didn't get it from me."

"OK, after that we start running into the tourist season," Lorelai said. "The Inn is booked solid all summer." She looked helplessly at Luke. "This may have to wait till September."

"Why can't we go now?" April interjected suddenly.

Lorelai looked surprised. "Oh, hon, I don't think we can all get away..." She glanced at Luke & Rory.

"I'm game," Luke said. "Caesar's here, he can handle things for a day or two."

"I already ditched all my plans for today, and I don't have anything going on tomorrow. I was just planning on studying and I've already got my books in the car," Rory offered.

Lorelai was taken aback. "But...but we haven't planned anything...I don't even have a dress..."

"We can get a dress when we get there," Rory offered.

"Where are we going, anyway?" April asked.

"Maryland," Luke and Lorelai both said in unison.

"I think they have dresses in Maryland," Rory said.

"But...you need a dress too, Rory, and we need pajamas and our toothbrushes and makeup, and shampoo, and conditioner if we're going to look beautiful..." Lorelai insisted.

"So go get them now," Luke said. "We'll meet back here in an hour."

"But Rory's stuff is at Yale..."

"I can borrow some of your clothes, and probably your shampoo and makeup, and anything else I'm pretty sure they have in Maryland too. I need a new toothbrush anyway," Rory said.

"Wow, dresses, makeup _and_ toothbrushes? I can't believe we've never been to this place before," Lorelai said, a grin spreading across her face. "OK, let's do it."

Luke looked down at his watch. "You're down to 58 minutes and counting."

* * *

Lorelai and Rory ran back to the house, up to the bedroom and began wildly tossing clothes and toiletries into suitcases while Lorelai filled Rory in on the events of the previous night. Fifteen minutes later, they had bags packed and Lorelai was at the door, waiting for Rory with her keys at the ready. 

"Come on hon, the meter's running!" Lorelai said, impatiently tapping her foot.

"Hang on, wait," came Rory's voice as she exited the kitchen and came over to Lorelai.

"What did we forget?"

"Nothing, I just want to talk to you for a minute. Do you really know what you're doing with this? You don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to eloping," Rory said.

Lorelai sighed. "Oh, hon, you're comparing apples & Ferraris. OK, I know how it looks, but this is _so_ different. Honey, I eloped with your dad because deep down, on some level I knew I didn't really want to be marrying him. I'm eloping with Luke because I _can't wait_ to marry him."

Rory continued to look at her skeptically. "You know Grandma's going to want to do her whole party thing when she finds out."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if she's a bit 'once-bitten-twice-shy' about the whole thing, but if she wants to do it, I promise I'll let her," Lorelai replied.

"Really?"

"I won't even complain, as long as she agrees not to serve asparagus in any form at the reception. Now Luke, I make no such promises for. He'll have plenty of complaints every step of the way."

"So you'll just complain vicariously through him?"

"Works for me," Lorelai agreed. "Hey, what do you think our chances are of getting the band to play 'Rock Lobster'?"

Rory rolled her eyes, as they both picked up their bags and headed for the door.

Suddenly Lorelai stopped and put her bag down. "Wait," she said.

"What now?" Rory asked nervously.

Lorelai paused for a moment. "I just realized - It's not going to be our house any more," she finally said sadly. "Luke is moving in."

"Mom, it hasn't been 'our' house for a while. I've been away at school, and Dad _did_ live here, albeit for a ridiculously short time."

"But we never discussed it. We never did anything to mark the occasion."

"What on earth do you want to do? Plant a tree to commemorate? Burn our bras and put the ashes in an urn on the mantel?"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Lorelai said, "but I had something a little more low-key in mind."

Lorelai disappeared upstairs, then came back down a moment later with a bottle of nail polish in her hands.

* * *

Half an hour later, Lorelai and Rory were sitting on the couch, eating Pop-tarts and waiting for their toenails to dry. 

"We're going to be late," Rory cautioned.

Lorelai carefully touched Rory's and her own toenails to see if they were dry. "Just a few more minutes and we should be OK," she replied.

They clinked their Pop-tarts together and each had another bite.

"So have we bonded enough?" Rory asked. "Have we commemorated the occasion?"

"Not quite," Lorelai said, as she stood up and carefully walked on her heels into the kitchen. She reappeared a few minutes later carrying a toilet plunger.

"What's with the plunger?" Rory asked.

"Don't you remember? This was the first thing we bought when we moved in. The downstairs toilet was all clogged with TP and God knows what else when we got here."

"You're getting sentimental about a _toilet plunger_? What are you planning to do with it?"

Lorelai had reopened the bottle of nail polish and was using it to write something on the plunger handle.

"Just autographing it," she said, as she finished and passed it to Rory to add her name.

"You're not planning on displaying this in the living room, or anything, are you?" Rory asked.

"You think that's a bad idea?"

"I think it's a certifiably insane idea," Rory replied.

"How about the kitchen?"

"How about the bathroom?" Rory said.

"OK, OK," Lorelai said as she went to put the plunger back in the bathroom.

"Are we ready now?" Rory asked, standing up.

"Ready," Lorelai confirmed.

* * *

Precisely 72 minutes had passed since they had left the diner, by the time Lorelai and Rory came barreling back down the street, arms full of luggage. They found Luke and April standing outside the diner, next to Luke's truck, waiting for them. 

"You're late," Luke groused.

"And we have a problem," April informed them. "Dad's truck isn't going to fit all of us with our luggage."

"And neither will your Jeep," Luke said to Lorelai.

"I'll drive," Rory volunteered. "I wouldn't want you guys driving anyway, you'll fall asleep at the wheel."

"Are you sure?" Luke asked.

"I'm sure. Really, Luke, I'd be honored," Rory assured him.

"OK, April, I need you to load all this into the car," Lorelai instructed her, indicating the pile of luggage in front of them.

Luke and Rory stopped what they were doing and stared at her.

"Just practicing to be the Wicked Stepmother," Lorelai explained.

They all carted their bags over to Rory's car, piled them in the trunk and got into the car, Luke and Lorelai in the back seat, April riding shotgun.

"So did you find something to wear?" Luke wondered.

"Of course not, we have to go shopping when we get there," Lorelai said indignantly. "Well, all except for April, she can wear a burlap sack."

"That joke's gonna get old _really_ fast, Lorelai," April protested.

They all settled in, Rory started the car and pulled out onto the road.

Lorelai leaned over to snuggle in with Luke.

"Are you sure about this?" she whispered into his ear. "We only got back together a few hours ago, this is awfully fast."

"There's nothing fast about this," Luke replied. "It's been 10 years in the making."

"But you're sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life," he replied. "You?"

"Death & taxes have got nothing on this."

"Shoot, we forgot to bring some coffee," Rory suddenly complained from the front seat. "I can't drive 5 hours without coffee, we're going to have to stop somewhere."

"No stopping," Luke objected.

"Luke, our wedding day is _not_ the time to be breaking the Gilmore girls of our coffee habit," Lorelai protested.

"Well, then it's a good thing that I brought some with us," Luke said, as he produced a Thermos and poured a cup of coffee for Rory.

Lorelai and Rory gasped in delight. "Next thing you'll be telling me you brought food too," Rory said.

In response, Luke passed her a french fry.

"He thought of everything!" Rory rejoiced.

"He's like Santa Claus, only with a nicer ass," Lorelai added.

"You know," Rory informed them, "No second thoughts will be permitted any more. You've got April and me here with you, we will _not_ permit any backsliding. You two are getting married and that's all there is to it."

"No second thoughts," Lorelai agreed.

"There's no turning back now," Rory said.

The car pulled out onto the highway and proceeded on its southbound journey to a wedding in Maryland as Luke & Lorelai snuggled in the back seat for a nap together.

_- Fin -

* * *

_

A/N: Well, the news I'm reading on Season 8 isn't looking good, so wouldn't it be great to end the series with a scene something like this? Imagine an aerial view of the car driving away as Sam Phillips sings her romantic magic.

Thanks for reading!

PS - Sorry for re-posting but FF is acting funky & this chapter is not always showing up.


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